Grateful

I've been reading everyone's gratefuls all month on Facebook. I think it is incredibly important to take the time to think about your life and recognize what you do have in life, rather than what you don't have. It seems so easy, but it's been difficult for me lately. I have had things happen in the past couple weeks that I cannot seem to work through. I try- and I mean, REALLY try, to talk about it, but it's so painful. As a result, I am left feeling angry and cynical at the world. I find it difficult to find what is good in my life. Instead I think about the people who have harmed me and my family. I wonder why God let this happen. I wonder if I will heal. But in the spirit of the season, I will take this time to list the things in life that I am blessed to have, and that I am grateful for. It may have taken longer than I would have liked to come up with this list, but I'm glad I took that time. Here goes:

I am always grateful for Dominic. I can feel like my soul is shattering into pieces and the moment he walks in the room and gives me a smile, all those feelings go away. I can dance with him, read to him, play trains, tell stories- it doesn't matter, when I'm spending time with him my heart is content.

I am grateful for Davin. He has been so supportive through everything. He got hurt just as I did last week, and I hate to see the pain in his eyes, but having someone love me that much is humbling. Especially when I feel like the biggest fuck-up.

I am grateful for my mom and dad. I shared my pain with them, and they didn't judge, they didn't get angry- they just held me. I felt like a child in their arms, and knew things would be okay because they will never give up on me.

I am grateful for my friends in NA. The ones who listen and offer a hug. The ones who make me laugh. When I'm feeling in so messed up I want to cry, sometimes the best thing I can do is laugh. I am extremely grateful for my stupid sense of humor and those who share it with me.

I am grateful for my best friends that have stood by me for decades. Even when we go awhile without talking when life gets busy, we can pick up right where we left off. That's pretty dang awesome.

I am grateful for life and the strength that God has given me. I have been tested to the core in the past week, and never did I want to pick up and use. Not even once. That's a HUGE blessing.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with loved ones. I'll leave with a Thanksgiving photo of the love of my life: