A walking affirmation

I realized last night that these were all a part of my outfit...

All I need is "Believe" tattooed on my arm. :D

P.S. I wear both bracelets almost every day. The silver one says, "believe in yourself", "be brave", "be kind", "be happy", and "be well". Sometimes when I'm feeling frustrated or crabby I'll look down to see what it's telling me. :)

The new Laura?

I'm working on being positive. I met a couple virtual friends in real life over the weekend. (It was awesome to meet you both, Elizabeth and Amy!). Among other things, a couple things that came up in conversation were people and their energy, and facebook. (Not necessarily together). As we talked I realized I sometimes often like to antagonize people who are generally negative. One example: I had a friend on facebook from high school. We weren't friends back then, but we got in touch through facebook. At first it was fun, but over time I got sick of her constant negativity. She is the prime example of an attention-seeker. And an energy vampire. Finally, I had enough and I started to call her out on her dramatic status updates. She would say, "I have the worst job ever- shoot me now!" I'd say, "Then quit. Find a new job". She would say, "Holy Hell! Everyone in this world SUCKS". And I'd say, "Really? Everyone? Do you really think that?" And on and on...but what kind of person does that make me? Not only was it annoying and unnecessary, but I was drawing in her bad energy. So, on Monday, I finally deleted her as a friend, along with a couple others that seem to suck my energy. It's not that I don't like these people- I actually do- but I don't need their bad energy right now. I need to stay positive to keep going in my life right now. Things have been rough, and it's best for me to surround myself with good energy, and let the bad go. And I have to say, it's already made a huge difference! Of course, I'm Miss Sarcastic, and that often comes across as negative. I'm working on that- it'll probably take awhile because I've been like that FOREVER, and besides, it's not always bad. I have to sort out what sarcasm is okay because it really is part of my personality, and what has got to go.

Final thought for now: I will never be a constant Miss Positive. I acknowledge that I will always have bad days- even if I weren't prone to depression, I would still have bad days. After all, I am human. And I may even will sometimes vent about it. But, in general, I am choosing to keep my head up with a smile on my face. How does that sound? :)

I love spring!

73. I LOVE spring. It's my favorite season, by far. I love the mud- it means the GREEN is not far behind. I love the weird smell- I believe that would be the mud. :D I love opening the windows for the first time of the year. I love listening to the obnoxious birds. I love going outside without a jacket. I love feeling the warm sun on my face- and getting sun-kissed cheeks for the first time of the year. I love getting into my car after it has been outside and feeling the heat. I love watching the neighbors wake from winter hibernation- adults out for walks, kids playing. I even, in an odd way, love allergies. Just because it means spring is here!

Hope you're all enjoying your spring!

Tagged! Self Portrait

I figured it was bound to get around to me...oh well, here I am!!!

Oh, and, yes, my smile is that crooked! :)

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I tag: Julz, Megan, and Elizabeth.

Rules: Take and post 3 self portraits, NOW, no primping or editing.

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P.S. Don't forget to check the picture in the post below this one- Leanne insisted on getting a picture with Louie from Bubba Gump Shrimp at MOA! Kids these days!

Laura, Louie, and Leanne

Need I say more???

Oh, okay, I will! We also rode on the roller coaster!!! And laughed. And acted stupid. And laughed some more. It was a good, fun, FUN day with my sis! (Leanne, for those who don't know- but of course you do!!!)

Oh, and while I was doing this, Davin was driving in St. Cloud and accidentally let another car smash into his car- EEK!!! He's doing good- no injuries other than whiplash. However, because of his lung embolism and being on blood thinners, I am a bit worried. He's gone to bed, but I intend on waking him every few hours...just to be safe... oh, and his car, it didn't come out so well. Smashed good, I hear. Thank God he was okay!

...I love Davin. ...just wanted to tell you all! :)

More of my list: randoms

65. When I was a kid (I don't know what age exactly), I used to lay in bed at night with my eyes squeezed shut, because I was afraid if I opened my eyes Jesus might be at the foot of my bed, and I thought I'd be afraid of him. ...don't laugh- I pictured a giant ghost-like figure!

66. Also, when I was kid: When Jacob Wetterling was kidnapped I was afraid to go play in the woods because I thought he (Jacob) might be wondering around in them and I would see him and not know what to do.

67. Also, when Jacob Wetterling was kidnapped I used to stand up on my bed and jump as far out as I could to get out of bed. And I always made sure that my blankets weren't hanging over the bed. I was scared the kidnapper could be under there.

68. When I was in eighth grade I wanted to be a trucker. And live in Maine. I had never been to Maine. Today, I hate even riding in a full size van. Don't know what I was thinking back then.

69. For about a year now, my dream vehicle has been a Ford Edge. Hopefully after we adopt a baby...

70. I found out today that my car (Alero) is NOT good for toddler carseats. My 2-yr. old nephew came with me to meet his new brother today- what a pain to get him in and out of the car! I can already hear comments- "You're going to want a minivan", "You should get a minivan". I know. I don't deny the practicality. But not with one child. Not gonna happen.

71. I really hope we can adopt a baby soon. Does that count as one of my 100 things? As if everyone doesn't already know that! But this list is getting difficult so I'm using it.

72. And just to be really random: I have a major crush on Simon Baker. Well, actually it's on his character in The Mentalist. Yes, I have a crush on a fictional person. Not to worry- Davin is well aware of and okay with this crush.

Crap, 18 more to go!

It's come to my attention...

...that I'm an anxious person. Ha! As if I didn't already know that, Leanne! Even still, my dear sister brought up a great decent point. You know my last post? The one where I am doubting our new president's decisions? After reading other's comments, I was left feeling pretty dumb. I was surprised that I seemed to be the only one worried about the *short* timeline. I wondered why this was bothering me and only me. This was Leanne's thought:

Leanne: "Laura, my dear sister, you are an anxious person. You don't like change."
Me: "But, dear Leanne, I think the changes are good- it's the timeline that worries me."
Leanne: "Dear Laura, it is the sudden changes you don't like."

True. Her example? My brother Dan and his wife moving away. I mean, I always knew they would eventually move, but when we got, like, less than a month notice, I freaked out! They can't just up and leave without giving me a fair warning! Sheesh!

Moral of the story? I would have appreciate it if from now on President Obama informs me of his decisions ahead of time. Like, he could have told me this back in November. Would have been nice. I'm just saying.

The dark days- part 4 (in conclusion)

NOTE: I once again hesitated to post this after I wrote it. So make the decision whether or not it is something you want to read about.

I previously mentioned that I threatened suicide several times as a desperate plea for help. There was one time that I actually attempted to end my life for that reason only. It is extremely difficult to talk about; however, it was an was a major part of this story, and I would feel dishonest to leave it out.

We were on family vacation, and I headed home early. My excuse was that I was starting to feel anxious- which was definitely true- social anxiety was (and somewhat still is) something I suffered with. On the drive home I felt agitated. I had just spent time with people who seemed happy, who seemed to have their lives together. I felt like I didn't fit in at all. I felt my mind was messed up, and everyone around me was completely sane. I started to feel like everyone would be better off without me. I had felt this way before, but for some reason it was very strong this time. I imagine the vacation alone wasn't what led to my thoughts- it was surely something that had built up over time- I don't remember how long I had felt this way. But early on the drive home, I decided I was going to end my life. The rest of the drive consisted of thoughts building on that idea, and I became obsessed in my head. I got home late at night and took about a triple dose of my sleeping meds. I tied a rope from a beam in the garage. I made sure the rope was secure. When I began feeling like I was going to fall asleep, I hung myself. I remember blacking out. The next thing I remember was waking up on the garage floor. The rope had broke. My first emotion was pure anger. I was so angry that I was alive.

This moment became a very clear fork in the road of my mental health. I could either hide what I had done and try again. However, once the anger passed, I realized how incredibly lucky I was to be alive. I wish I could describe this feeling. I had spent years doubting God. There were moments I flat out didn't believe He existed. Well, once that anger passed, that missing faith was stronger than one could ever hope for. It was an overwhelming feeling. In fact, I couldn't even deal with it at the moment. All I could think about was the fact that I was alive and not unhappy. This led to accepting myself, seeing the good in my life, and being able to throw away that mask.

So, other than that moment, what turned my life around? A lot of things- many that actually happened before I attempted suicide. Getting better was an uphill battle. I saw many therapists. I was taught skills to cope with stress. I learned to explore my life- to figure out who I was, and who I wanted to be. I went to school for massage therapy and found something that I loved to do and that I was good at. I started to feel comfortable. Most importantly, I started to have this feeling- one that took me awhile to learn what it was. Want to guess what that feeling is?

HAPPINESS. True happiness. For those who have a history of depression, you can probably relate. For those who are experiencing depression, please, trust me, it is possible. You may not believe me- I certainly didn't when people told me years ago, but if you can trust just one thing, please trust that happiness is possible for everyone. Yes, it may take work, and you may feel like you don't have the energy to do the work. That is okay. Don't think about the work. For one day- today- just admit to yourself that you are in this dark place. Tomorrow- or the next day, if you need one more day, please tell someone that you need help. Don't think beyond that. That's the best advice I can give. Don't think about the future and what you feel are impossibilities. If you do any work at all right now, just work on NOT thinking about the future. Worry about right now. You have to admit and accept that you are not healthy. I promise you don't have to be alone on the road of recovery. I promise.

I still have ups and downs, but I feel 'normal'. I can handle life. And I like life. That's all a girl can ask for. :)

P.S. Thank you, Davin, for never giving up on me. I love you so much.

ETA: I should have added before- Thank you also to all my family and friends who have always loved me, no matter what. I love you all.

The dark days- part 3

Right after I posted my previous entry (part 2) I wondered if it was smart for me to be sharing so much information. I debated taking it down. However, between the responses I got from it and the promise I made to myself, I kept it up and will finish my story. I will warn you, however, that like many things in life, my situation got worse before it got better.
...
I want to talk a little more about the mask I wore. I felt like I was two people. On the outside I often times appeared "normal"- I often times could perform my day-to-day activities. I sometimes had a job. I hung out with friends and family. I lived my life. However, on the inside, there was a beast, and the longer I wore my mask the more restless it became and the more agitated I became. I always tried to push this beast to the back of my head. However, it would inevitably come to a point where I was battling myself in my head. I fought this beast, and it fought back. In the end these emotions of sadness, of rage, of confusion would burst out of me, sometimes with no warning. This is when I would get out of control. I could have been telling Davin that I was feeling good every day for the an entire month and suddenly I would explode. Which brought me to hurting myself.

All but one time that I attempted suicide were pure acts of desperation- I needed help and I didn't know what to do. I believe the first time was about a year after we were married. I opened a bottle of Excedrin and began taking them. I just kept popping them in my mouth. After a while I got really scared that I might actually die that I went and told Davin what I had been doing in the bathroom. He rushed me to the nearest hospital. By the time we got there I was shaking violently from the caffeine in the pills. I was lucky enough to not have my stomach pumped. I was forced to drink charcoal which made me throw up over and over- all while my body shook. ...I didn't want to die. If I had, I don't think I would have told Davin what I had done.

Another time I went for a walk. I walked to a nearby overpass and thought about jumping. I ended up calling Davin from my cell phone- he called the police on his way over- the police showed up and pulled me away. Again, if I really wanted to die, I would not have called Davin. One might wonder why I wouldn't just take off that mask and tell Davin I felt out of control and needed help rather than resorting to suicide threats. The answer to that comes back to the beast I was battling. Part of me wanted to ask for help, but for whatever reason, that ugly beast was out to destroy me. There aren't always clear answers when it comes to depression- sometimes it makes no sense at all- that's what makes it so scary.

Being in the hospital mental health unit is a scary place to be. I was surrounded by ill patients- some that suffered from illnesses more violent than my own. People talked to themselves. People yelled at the voices in their heads. I remember thinking "I don't belong here". Which made me doubt that I was sick at all. I didn't hear voices. I didn't see things that weren't there. Therefore I must not be crazy, right? Of course I was there for a reason- for example, I was standing on the edge of an overpass. But when I was suffering from moderate to severe depression and was locked up with others who had schizophrenia or similar illnesses, I started to think maybe I was imagining my illnesses. I felt like I should just get a grip and get over it. This is another battle I had many times. I felt like I was just feeling sorry for myself, and I had better just get over it. I am telling you right now, one should never have to have that battle in their head. If you ever feel you are depressed- you have a hard time dealing with the little and big things in life, or want to die, don't second guess yourself. Ever. You deserve help just as much as the next person.

The hospital I was in also had an outpatient program called partial hospitalization. I went through it on two separate occasions, and it proved to be very useful to me. The program was 9-3, Monday through Friday. It involved many activities, including daily group therapy. The program is meant to get you back on track with your life. Patients learn skills to cope with stresses in their lives, and help them figure out exactly how they are going to handle day to day life when they finish the program. It also provided monitoring and 'tweaking' of your medications.

I originally didn't want to be on meds- who does?- but I gave in. I accepted that my depression was more than a bump in the road, that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. Mental illness, for some reason, is often compared to diabetes. Basically, you do not choose to have diabetes, just as you do not choose to have depression. So I went on medication. It took a lot of tweaking. a couple years worth. But the correct medication and dosage was eventually found for me, and I take it to this day. I still see my psychiatrist every few months for maintenance, and sometimes, tweaking. I have accepted I will always be on medication. Why? Because today I am happy. Today I am stable. I live what I consider 'normal'- I have felt 'normal' for several years now. Why on earth would I mess with that? I want to be a healthy mom for my children. I want to be a healthy wife and friend. I have an illness, but with medication and the skills that I have learned it is no longer part of my life. If I go off meds, that beast will come forward again, and there is no way I am letting that happen!

...I have at least one more post coming. Once I re-straighten my thoughts.

The dark days- part 2

NOTE: I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SKIP THIS POST IF THE PREVIOUS POST (PART 1) WAS DIFFICULT. (I did not sugar coat anything)

...

The battle with my depression consumed almost four years of our marriage. Some things are vivid in my memory, while others are quite blurry. I can remember certain events but don't always recall when exactly they took place. So bear with my babbling...

I remember feeling an emotion, and feeling frustrated because I didn't know what that emotion was. I started getting worked up. My mind raced and my body shook. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I felt like I was out of control and I didn't have a clue how to handle it. When I began experiencing this feeling of complete anxiety and rage I resorted to physically hurting myself. I would hit my head over and over against a hard surface. This became a sort of habit. It was a small release to feel the sharp pain, the skin breaking, followed my throbbing, and then numbness. (I have a permanent indentation on my forehead from this). This act usually ended with me exhausted and crying myself into a deep sleep. Of course if Davin was around, this 'release' wasn't so easy because he would obviously try stop me. This angered me, which led to me trying to push him away, yelling, hitting at him, and this exhausted me enough to fall asleep.

One night, less than a year after we were married, I had this feeling of anxiety and rage. Davin was home, but I felt determined to hurt myself, as I felt I needed to feel that pain. I don't recall the events exactly, but I this is one of the few times I cut myself. I was in a different room than Davin. I was hiding from him, but looking back I know this was a cry for help. I was out of control and I didn't know what to do. Davin came into the room and I believe I showed him what I had been doing- my 'cuts' barely broke skin- I felt the pain, but didn't want to die. This lead to a battle of him trying to get the knife away from me and me yelling that I wanted to die. Whatever happened, it was loud enough for a neighbor to call the police. When they knocked on the door, I tried to hold Davin back from answering it. He tried to drag me with him, as he didn't want me to be alone with the knife. By the time the door was opened I was hysterical. An officer physically sat on me on the couch to hold me still while they called an ambulance. This was my first of many trips to the ER. I don't believe I was admitted this time, but I did have three hospital stays in the couple years after that.

I went to counseling. Trying to pinpoint what was causing my depression, I started to blame my marriage. I shouldn't have gotten married so young. I felt tied down and suffocated. The truth is that Davin encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to do in life. For some reason I just wanted to be un-married. I thought that's what the problem was. And, wouldn't you believe, my counselor at the time agreed. She actually encouraged me to think about leaving Davin. Which I eventually entertained as an option. I one time 'moved out'. I think I lasted a weekend. Another time I decided to move to Arizona for a winter. I made it to Oklahoma before turning around.

...In a way, this is easy to talk about because I have accepted that this was my life, and I have been in a good, stable place for many years now. However, it is never easy to look at how bad I made life for Davin. When I fought him, he sat there and let me. When I blamed him for how I felt, he took the blame. When I wanted out, he gave me money and helped me pack. He just wanted me to be happy and was willing to do anything to make that happen as long as it meant me staying alive. I don't think most men- especially newly married ones, would have put up with what I put him through. I wish I could leave the parts about me hurting him out of this, but it was very real. And he never left my side. Not once. Not a day goes by that I forget that.

The dark days- Part 1

When I started blogging I promised myself I would share my past struggles with depression and anxiety. I am not looking for sympathy. I am not trying to entertain. So why am I sharing? Because mental illness is real. Although it was the hardest thing we (Davin and I) had to deal with, I was able to overcome it. There were times I didn't feel like I was going to be able to, but I did- with Davin by my side. And if this post helps one person it will have been worth my time.

As with any post, I cannot guarantee it will always make sense. It may come across as more rambly than most.

-deep breath- Here goes:

The first bout of depression I had was when I was in the 7th grade. I didn't know at the time that was what it was. I don't recall how or what started it. All I know is I hated everything. I was angry at the world and everyone in it. I literally cut my friends from my life. I ignored them, would not acknowledge them. I remember lying in bed every night wishing I was dead. I remember wishing I could get my hands on a gun. It was a passing thought- one that passed over and over in my mind. I cried myself to sleep, hoping that I wouldn't wake up. I didn't know it at the time, but my friends and parents worried about me. As with how it started, I don't know what ended this "phase". That's what it became known as- a phase. I somehow eased back into normal life. I even had close to happy times. However, looking back, that depression never completely left me- it was right there, in the back of my mind, lurking about.

It started to come to the front of my mind once again my junior or senior year of high school. Not the suicidal thoughts, or the hate. Just the unhappiness. Something was nagging me, and I didn't know what. I was with Davin, and I did know that I loved him. So I couldn't understand why I was unhappy. I thought maybe I just wanted to move on with my life. I wanted to get married and settled down with Davin. So I pushed to get engaged. I thought getting a ring on my finger would solve things. Nope. I just needed to get married, settled into life...nope. Everyone else (all 9 people) at our wedding had a great time. They thought it was a beautiful wedding day. I had a smile on my face, but I was not happy. I should add- I didn't realize how unhappy I was- I think it scared me that I would be unhappy getting married to the man I loved, so I fooled myself into thinking I was happy. I had become really good at wearing that mask- too good. No one knew I was miserable- often times, not even myself. I thought we should have kids- starting a family would surely settle my uneasy feelings. We both thank God now that we didn't get pregnant- I really believe God knew having a child back then would make the next few years harder than they were already going to be.

...this is a bit exhausting. Remember, no sympathy. This blog is about me, and I this has been a big part of my life. There a lot more to come, so if reading it brings you down, I encourage you to not read future posts on the subject.

No, I did not forget about my list...

56) I love love love naps.

57) I snore. So Davin tells me- he says he loves listening to me snore because it means I'm sleeping soundly. Weird, but sweet.

58) I can wake myself up from a bad dream- I just tell myself it's a dream and to wake up- it usually works!

59) I tend to stay in my pajamas for as long as I can. If I'm home all day, that sometimes means until dinner (or later). :)

60) I'm all about comfort over fashion. I would much rather wear jeans and a sweatshirt than a stylish dress.

61) And flip flops over heals any day!

62) My new favorite pastime is Wii.

63) I have two left feet, but I am determined to conquer Dance Dance Revolution!

64) So far I've only managed to get a pulled hamstring and sore feet, but I WILL PREVAIL!

"Tag" I'm it!

Thanks, Mindi! These six things are going toward my 100 things:

1 (50)- Unlike Mindi, I despise cooking. I think Davin cooks more than I do. I always say that once we have a family I'll get more into it. I don't know what the chances of that are...

2 (51)- I am married to a wanna-be farmer. Davin thinks it would be cool to have a chunk of land and a combine to play with. That's more about him, but I'm using it.

3 (52)- I talk to myself in the car. I have conversations with imaginary people. Sometimes I don't have water with and my mouth gets dry from my meaningful conversations.

4 (53)- You know of Simon Baker? He stars in the new show The Mentalist. His smile melts your heart. His character's smile, of course.

5 (54)- I don't like coffee, but I kind of wish I did. The idea is appealing to me, but each time I taste it, I gag. Even if it's a food with coffee flavor. Yuck. I'll stick with my Diet Coke, even in the cold, cold winter.

6 (55)- Davin and I cannot play Monopoly together. I get mad and throw the board. Seriously. Davin sucks at making deals.

Okay, I get to tag! Amy L., Elizabeth, Janette, Jen H., JoLynn, Leanne

10:26 pm

48) Every time I happen to see 10:26 pm on a digital clock a make a wish.

This started way back, I don't know, maybe when I was in high school. I noticed that I happened to look at my bedroom clock at exactly 10:26 pm many nights in a row. It was a pure coincidence. So, being the loopy-loop that I am, I started to make a wish each time I saw it. Rules developed over time- here they are, laid out for the first time ever.

1) I cannot sit and wait for 10:26. I can only make a wish if I randomly look at the clock and it is 10:26.
2) The wish has to be specific. For example, I cannot simply wish for a baby. That could mean I would get a baby 10 years from now. Nor can I wish for a baby this month. Because that could mean December of 2016.
3) The wish must be ended with a "Thank You".
4) Once I make the wish I have to shut my eyes and keep them shut until the clock turns to 10:27.

This can be tricky. When I see 10:26 I have no idea if I have 59 seconds or 4 seconds to make my wish. If the clock turns before I'm done, the wish is no good. Once I shut my eyes, I don't know how long they should be closed. If I open them and it is still 10:26 the wish won't come true. Likewise, if it is 10:28, the wish is also nixed.

10:26 pm seperates my wishes from my prayers. In my wishes I can wish for anything, no matter how bizarre. ...hm, that's probably why they never come true, hey? Even still, it's something I've been doing for years, and I'll probably be still being doing when I'm milking it in a nursing home.

Oh, and this all brings me to

49) My favorite number is 26. Because of above story, of course! :)

Some more about me- YAY!

39) I would love to know how to dance for real, but I'm deathly afraid of taking lessons because I'm scared to find out exactly how bad I really am. Yes, J, there's my confession and the reason I don't want to go this weekend... :P

40) I say that I don't care what others think of me. The truth is, I do care. A lot. It's not so much about being liked- it's more about hoping I don't annoy or offend people.

41) Along those lines, I am very self-conscience. I am always thinking people must think I am ugly or dumb. Or annoying. ...wow, that was a deep confession.

42) Although I don't have a very high self-esteem, I am confident that I will be a good mom.

43) Today I heard a verse of Brahm's Lullaby FOUR times in four hours at the hospital- they play it each time a baby is born. This is the only downside of volunteering- reminds me how badly I want to be a mommy.

44) Switching topics: I lost my diamond engagement ring over a year ago. I still feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I do have a replacement band that I love, but it's still sickening that I would lose my wedding ring...

45) I have also lost every diamond earring I have owned. 4 total (two sets). I told Davin to quit replacing them- fake one's are much safer for me.

46) Although I seem to lose diamonds a lot, I never lose my keys. Seriously, if I don't know where they are, I find them within a minute or two.

47) However, my socks do disappear in the dryer, just like everyone else's.

My Thanksgiving ABC's

I am thankful for...

A- Adoption. A miracle for families.
B- Blogs. I find keeping one very therapeutic, and reading others very entertaining.
C- Crayons. My favorite way to go back to childhood.
D- Diet Coke. Yum. And Davin, of course. :)
E- Our Environment. We all need to do our part to preserve it for our children.
F- Friends, Family, and Faith.
G- Green grass. It is a sure sign of spring!
H- Home. I am thankful to have a warm bed to lay my head each night.
I- Imagination. I love to drift off into daydreams.
J- Juno. My favorite movie to date.
K- Koivisto’s and Kangas’s. Our two loving families.
L- Laughter. It does the body and mind good.
M- Music. Yet another therapy for myself.
N- Noodles & Co. Their mac n’ cheese is outta this world!
O- Organ donors. Are you one?
P- Personalities. What makes each of us unique.
Q- Quilts. They keep us cozy warm.
R- Rainbows. God’s beautiful promise to all of us.
S- Sunshine. Possibly my favorite thing in the world.
T- Target. Shopping therapy. Hm, I need a lot of therapy, don’t I? :)
U- Understanding. Something we can all strive to be better at.
V- Volunteering. A fulfilling way to spend my time.
W- Wishes. I make on every time I see 10:26 on a digital clock. Wanna hear that story? :)
X- X-rays. They found Davin’s blood clot.
Y- Yin and Yang. A balance of all life.
Z- Zoos. Who doesn’t love monkeys?

Wishing everyone a Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving!

A few of my favorite things

33) My favorite color is blue. Primary, Crayola blue.

34) My favorite book is "Catch Me If You Can" by Frank Abignail. Fascinating true story. The movie does not live up to the book.

35) My favorite movie, currently, is Juno. AWESOME!

36) I favorite candy is strawberry twizzlers. And chocolate!

37) My favorite season in spring.

38) My favorite sound is a baby laughing. :)

#32

32) I LOVE the sunshine!

Moving on!

23) If I could afford it, I would go to college for the rest of my life- I love to learn!

24) I LOVE music- almost anything but heavy metal. I'm usually listening to indie rock. Reggae is super fun- reminds me of Jaimaca! Rap is awesome for working out!

25) I do NOT like Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

26) I have a big mouth- figuratively. Sometimes I say things before thinking. Gets me in trouble sometimes. Yikes.

27) I love hockey. I grew up in a hockey family. I wish I could afford season tickets for the Wild- oh, that would be SO cool!

28) I wish I loved dogs 'cause they are so dang cute! But I don't. (Sorry Elizabeth) Because....

29) I'm a clean freak. Not to be confused with a neat freak- my house is usually messy. I just don't like to be dirty. I know all dogs aren't dirty, trust me, but it's just a weird thing about me...

30) I wish I could snap my fingers and I wouldn't have to pee anymore. My bladder is the size of a pea and going to the bathroom is just a pain in the a** sometimes!

31) I wish I could snap my fingers.

My faith, in the open

I have an enormous faith in God. It is He who carried Davin and through many dark days. I pray to Him every night, and thank him for all he has given us.

I think people confuse this with "church". Currently, I do not have a church that I attend. Davin and I have always been pretty private when it comes to religion. However, since we are hoping to have children soon, I am looking for a church to join, as we want our children to grow up in faith, just as we did. It's hard. There is a church on every corner. How do we know where we will be comfortable? I pray to find that place.

That's all.