A moment of peace

The next couple weeks may be a roller coaster for me, as I will be making some big med changes. I am feeling a bit uneasy about it all, to say the least. However, today I had a moment of complete peace. I stopped by the cementary- it has been one year since Pappa passed away. It was a beautiful day, and I sat on the grass feeling relaxed and at ease. I enjoyed sitting in silence, and even having a little chat with Pappa. I am not a writer, and cannot put into words exactly how I felt, but it was a beautiful moment, and I think that just maybe Pappa was passing his calm, laid-back personality onto me. :)

While I was there I had to take a quick picture of the American flag at Pappa's headstone, which was very appropriately mended up with duct tape. Those who know Ellen and Pappa can understand how that made me smile. :)

Colorful Chit-Chat

Re-cap. Or something.

I haven't moved from this comfy chair since we got back from Michigan on Monday afternoon. Lie. I have moved, but I haven't accomplished anything important, so I may as well have stayed here. I am still recovering from the vacation. And by vacation, I don't mean fun-fun-fun!- I mean Fun-YIKES-CRASH! Families are tiring. You know why? 'Cause both Davin and I come from crazy families. Yes, it's true. Joe and Sandy's family: CRAZY. Wes and Cheryl's family: CRAZY. So.many.people. This girl can't handle the chaos. Not true. I can because I did. But still, you know what I mean. And if you're thinking I didn't I have fun, you're wrong. As it turns out, you can be completely stressed out and still manage to enjoy yourself. Who woulda thunk? We were on the lake every day. I think we hit every beach in the Keewanaw. We saw lots of family- so.many.people. We ate Ambassador pizza- YUM. I ate Mackinaw Island icecream and didn't get sick. (I've since tried 60 varieties of icecream since we've been home and it seems I am cured- uh oh!) But the highlight of the trip....oh, the highlight!!!! ROFL....hold on....LOL....it's a funny story....LMAO....okay, -deep breath-. On our last night there we went to Sedar Bay to visit Grandpa and Grandma. (That's not the funny part...although they are entertainment alone). Grandpa had lit the sauna, so we had to sauna-swim, right? Well, Dan and Lynne were there also so we headed down together. The waves were big. And I mean BIG. So we had to ride them. That's the funny part. Well, not that we rode the waves, but being in the waves, and screaming, and then watching Dan and Davin try do tricks in the wave. ....okay, so you had to be there. Whatever. But you know that laugh, when you every bit of tension is released (so.many.people) and nothing is holding you back- you laugh and feel so light??? It was wonderful. It was the perfect end to a fun, chaos-but-laughter-filled weekend.

And I got pictures to boot:

And if you want to see the less-funny-just-cute pictures, click here.

What Leanne said.

On my knees

Today has been a draining day, full of sadness and pain. I spend one moment praying with all my might, and the next cursing at God, and then back to praying. Why do bad things happen to good people??? I was going to attend a church service this evening that addressed that very issue, but when it was time to go I was in my "I'm pissed at God" moments. Yes, I admit, I am weak and get angry at God. But I will not stop praying. Ever. But this post isn't about me- it's about the people who could use your prayers also:

Please pray for Dan and Elizabeth. Elizabeth is my cousin. Her and her husband, Dan, were in a very bad car accident yesterday. Both are still unresponsive and in critical condition. They have three young children who need them.

ETA: Both Dan and Elizabeth seem to be responding some now...miracles DO happen, right?

Dan and Elizabeth's Caringbridge

Please for Emily. Emily is a woman in our adoption group. Her and her partner, Elizabeth, adopted a baby girl, Gwyn, six months ago. She is going through treatment for cancer that was in remission until recently.

Emily's Caringbridge

Please continue to pray for Gregory. Gregory, as you probably know, is our godson, who has ongoing medical issues. He just recently spent three days at the hospital receiving IV antibiotics for another infection. This is very much his life.

Gregory's Caringbridge

On the first day of spring...

...this beautiful girl was born. We named her Ellen KyLee. Her birth mother, Jessica, had chosen the name Kiya Lee, and asked us if we could keep Lee in her name- KyLee was her idea for the middle name. She was born just after 11:00 p.m. ...I'll back up...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Wednesay, March 11, the day after this happened, Jessica called the agency. This was the birth mother we had heard from and then disappeared. She called from a treatment home- she had been there for three weeks after been arrested for meth use (she was on probation). She told the agency she still wanted us to adopt her baby, and that she was being induced on March 23rd. Yep, less than two weeks away! She called me last Friday to set up a plan for us to come meet her during visiting hours on Sunday, the day before she would be induced. Less than two hours after she called we got a call from the treatment home that Jessica had gone into labor and was going into the hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We met the baby about an hour after she was born. They put us in our own room, and she stayed with us. I was a bit reserved, but Davin fell fast in love with her. Everything was going very smoothly- the next morning we found out that Jessica was getting ready to leave the hospital, and that she was going to sign the papers as soon as possible. That was about 11:00 Saturday morning. I'll skip details, but looking back, things starting turning upside down in the next several hours. At about 7:00 in the evening we got a call from our counselor. Jessica had changed her mind. Actually, I think she was strongly influenced by someone else, but it really doesn't matter. Ellen was no longer our baby. And we never got to say goodbye to her. When we found out, she was with Jessica.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, it's okay to be mad at God, right? I'm not sure who else to be mad at, and I feel like I need to be mad at someone. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I think I knew something was off from the moment I met the baby. However, Davin didn't. I hate to see him is so much pain. This sucks. That's all there is too it. Where we go from here, we don't know. In time we will. But for now we'll just leave it at "this sucks". I just hope and pray that Kiya has a happy and healthy life. And I pray that, even though I'm angry at God, he will help me understand this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you everyone for your kindness, and all your thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to us.

Laura, Louie, and Leanne

Need I say more???

Oh, okay, I will! We also rode on the roller coaster!!! And laughed. And acted stupid. And laughed some more. It was a good, fun, FUN day with my sis! (Leanne, for those who don't know- but of course you do!!!)

Oh, and while I was doing this, Davin was driving in St. Cloud and accidentally let another car smash into his car- EEK!!! He's doing good- no injuries other than whiplash. However, because of his lung embolism and being on blood thinners, I am a bit worried. He's gone to bed, but I intend on waking him every few hours...just to be safe... oh, and his car, it didn't come out so well. Smashed good, I hear. Thank God he was okay!

...I love Davin. ...just wanted to tell you all! :)

Love is in the air...

Since Leanne and Mindi have a lovey dovey month going on, I figured I'd join in. Not because I felt pressured or wanted to be cool like them, but because I spent time today with someone I love very much. I love love love Julie. And Andrew and Ethan and Gregory. The whole fam. Love them all. I got to kidnap Julie today from the hospital and hang out with her at the mall for a bit. Everyone reading this- Julie is the biggest sweetheart in the world. I actually think she is a lot like my mom in many ways. She's got a heart of gold. She is an awesome mom to her two little boys. Gregory's been through so much in the past year with all his medical problems, and Julie and Andrew of been so incredibly strong for him. And Ethan never seems to complain that life has been so focused on his little brother. He just loves him- simple as that. He is so well-adjusted, and I think that goes to show how great his parents are to him. When I walk into the hospital room and I see Gregory, with his hospital 'gown' on and iv boarded to his little arm, my instinct reaction is so feel sad. But then he looks at me and grins and giggles, and I my heart melts.

...okay, I'm realizing I have a hard time expressing my feelings. Julie- I am in awe of your strength and your kindness. Andrew- thanks for being such an awesome and supportive husband and dad. Ethan- you will always fascinate me- you are brilliant and love listening to you talk. Gregory- you're the definition of strength. Plus, you're a little flirt, and how can I not love that? :) To all of you- I hope when you bring Gregory home from the hospital this time that everything goes smooth, and you don't have to be back again! I love you guys.

It's all worth it.

A family wedding. We've had seven in my family alone, not including my own- which hardly counts as a full wedding considering there were only 10 of us there. Family gatherings are exhausting. Weddings are exhausting. Thus, family weddings are extremely exhausting. But worth it. My sister Chrissy got married yesterday. She was the most laid-back bride I've ever met. I think this made her even more beautiful on her wedding day. And I'm super happy to have Brett as a brother-in-law. He's seems to be a keeper! These are the moments that make me smile most about Chrissy's wedding:

*My dad walking Chrissy down the aisle. He was having a good day and looked great!

*Chrissy as a bride. Beautiful inside and out.

*Sam. The 4-year old boy that Chrissy nanny's. They have a special relationship, and I was lucky enough to spend time with him during the reception. Wanna know what we were doing? He had his mom's palm pilot and was counting down on the calculator from 9000-something down to zero. Just kept pressing enter to subtract one, all the way to zero. About every 50 or so he would tell me what number he was on. He stopped at my favorite number, 26, his mom's favorite, 12, and his favorite, 9. :D

*Time with my nieces and nephews. I love them all.

*My mom, my hero, who made over 500 pasties for the reception. Isn't she amazing?

Anyway, my favorite part of family weddings? The time at my mom and dad's, after the festivities. When the mood transitions from one kind of chaos to another. To a more intimate commotion. Spending time with my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. It's loud and crazy, and by the time I get home I crash and am exhausted for a good 72 hours. Even still, it's all worth it. My crazy dysfunctional loving family- it's all worth it.

Winter in the U.P.

All these pictures were taken at Davin's parents- their house is tucked in a cozy corner that makes it feel like you're at a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. If you can read it, the sign says "Two Achers". :D Davin's Dad made it. Along with their entire house and the two out buildings- he's got quite the talent!

Christmas Highlights: 2008 Edition

~ Watching Davin turn into an ultra goof when he's around his family. It makes me roll my eyes and smile at the same time. :P

~ Spending time with Davin's family and getting to know them better!

~ Discovering that I am not the only one in Davin's family who talks way faster than I think! Yes, Sara, I'm talking about you- you crack me up!

~ All the kids!!! Oh my goodness! They define the excitment of Christmas!

~ Beautiful, glorious SUNSHINE on Christmas day!

~ Great food. Lots and lots of great food!

~ Getting a couple quality hours with my family as well!

And the biggest highlight:

~ Tiny blue booty ornament from Davin's parents as a keepsake in honor of our Nik. It was by far the best Christmas gift we received. Made me cry, of course. The gesture was so incredibley sweet.

It was a wonderful Christmas! :)

My family

I think most of us probably take our families for granted from time to time. I know not everyone in my family reads my blog, but for those of you that do, thank you for being who you are. I have a hard time expressing my emotions in person, so I'll start here. I love you all!

Dad: You are strong and hard-working. You don't let anything get in your way. You have always done everything you can to protect your kids. Thanks for that.
Mom: You're the best mom. You, like Dad, are amazingly strong. You have so much on your shoulders, and you are still there when any of us need you. You are patient, and have the kindest heart. I hope to be half the mom that you are.

Shari: I have always called you a Supermom, and that you are. I don't know how you manage all you do, and maintain a healthy energy level! I know you're still in denial that you're a wee bit nuts, but that's okay because it makes you who you are! :D
Mark: It is said that two people are meant for each other- you and Shari define that. I admire your work ethic- you have worked so incredibly hard to become who you are for your family- I'm proud to have you as a brother. And you held the title of best son-in-law for five years. That was a good run, my friend. :)

Leanne: I consider you a friend as much as a sister. I love your passion. Everything that you do, you do out of the goodness of your heart. You are kind to everyone. Your boys are very lucky to have you as a mom!
Cory: First, of course I'm proud of what you do- thank you for your service! But more importantly, you are a loving husband and dad. I love that you take time for the little things- like posting on Leanne's blog. :) And anyone watching you with your boys can see what a great pappa you are!

Amy: You're a loyal sister and friend. You love people for who they are. I wish I were a fraction as domestic as you. Thanks again for the apron, by the way! And you are so good to your kids!
Kevin: Sometimes it weird to me that you're now my brother, being we were friends way back when. But I am happy to have you as a brother! You take good care of Amy and the kids- thanks for that.

Tim: I admire the hard work you have put in to provide for your family. And even in your busy work life, you find time to spend with your girls!
Trista: I love that you're my sister and friend. You're an amazing, hands-on mom. Your girls are so lucky to have you! And I love your sense of humor. :)

Mike: I don't know a guy nicer than you. I am proud to be your sister. You have such a big heart, and it's fun to watch you with Tate- you're a great dad.
Shana: I love your spirit. You say it as it is. That's a rare quality, and I admire you for it. And you actually take the time to play with Tate- you and Mike are both wonderful parents.

Dan: I love that you have been a loving stay at home dad while Lynne finishes school. And you are 10 times more domestic than myself- thanks for all the goodies you've made over time!
Lynne: Sweetheart. That's how I would have to describe you. Have you ever said or done anything mean in your life? I adore you and look forward to getting to know you better!

Chrissy: I see you as a girl who is confident and comfortable with herself. I love that you can be goofy and not care what others think. I love the sparkle in your eye.
Brett: I have yet to get to know you, but you put a permanent grin on my sister's face, so thank you for that!

Steve: Oh, you and your abs. You are possibly the wittiest person I know. You may act all tough and macho, but we've all seen your soft side with the nieces and nephews! :)

Ryan: I see you as someone who is still figuring himself out. I know you are very creative and artistic. You love hockey and are a good goalie. Heck, you've been practicing since you could stand up! :)

Mary: I see so much of myself in you. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. :D Kidding. I love that when you start laughing you cannot stop. Always believe in yourself, Sweetie. I love you.

My sweet sister!

Last night Davin came home from my parents with a gift in hand from my little sister, Mary (age 9). This is what the attached note says:

Dear Laura & Davin

I am very depressed that happened to you but I am glad it is over with. Here is something that will warm you up Hot Cocoa. I made it at lady-bugs. It has how to make it on the tag. You can make in the winter time if you want or right now.

Love, Mary

How sweet is she? (:

Later I talked to my mom and she said that Mary was worried about Davin coming to help my brother with is math. She said, "But how will he get in here with a wheelchair?" When my mom told her Davin was feeling good and could walk Mary said, "Oh, that's a relief." I love her! :D

Jack-Jack Pozack

He's my sister Leanne's babe. You can't be around him and not smile. This shot was taken last Christmas. Cory (Leanne's hubby) got a pipe from Davin- Jack thought it made a good toy. :)