Walking Away

As you may know, we've been dealing with two potential adoption situations. One birth mother chose us, but now she seems to have disappeared. She has not returned emails to me, or calls to the agency. The counselor who met with her said she seemed like she was on her own program, so there is a chance she is just avoiding the paperwork and counseling and will show up when she has the baby- she is due in three weeks. I doubt that will happen, but I guess one never knows.

The other birth mother I've been emailing for about a week or so. I'm not going to go into details on her situation because they don't really matter for the purpose of this post. Basically, there seems to be a lot a "red flags", although she really thinks adoption is the best thing for her baby- she is due in June. I was supposed to call her today (she doesn't have long distance), but could not get a hold of her. This is the second time I've tried. She is extremely busy with school and kids, so it is hard to work out a good time. She has been emailing two other families- I don't know if they have had better luck. I really don't think she is avoiding the calls. All her emails indicate she wants to get a plan settled soon.

I've put so much energy into this situation in the past week, and I realized today that things just didn't feel right. After I tried calling her I laid down and started started praying. I realized I kept saying, "God, please help me understand all of this" over and over. Davin and I talked about all the unknowns of the situation, and I called our adoption counselor. After talking it through with her, the answer was clear. This situation wasn't right for us. We were going to walk away.

-DEEP BREATH- Never would I have thought I would walk away from a situation before getting all the answers we were looking for. But I gotta say, it felt like a huge weight was lifted. An enormous weight. And it felt right. I can't explain it fully, but it was an easy decision. I have no doubt that if she does go through with the adoption, her baby will be raised in a very happy and loving home.

Today Leanne asked me if all adoptions are like this. This roller coaster. This crazy insane ride of emotions. My answer: Nope. But a lot are. When we started the process the agency talked a lot about how things could go. Sometimes people are chosen right away and it goes off without a hitch. Sometimes people don't hear anything for a year, and suddenly they get a call that there is a baby for them. Sometimes it's similar to ours. A lot situations arise, but nothing has panned out. Yet. I keep telling myself, "Hey, people are looking at our profile. People are interested. That's a good thing." Some of the birth mothers we've been in contact with decide adoption isn't the right decision. Or they choose someone over us. Or they just disappear. That one I don't particularly like, but, hey, we don't get a say in that.

Davin and I, we've decided the ideal situation would be a call in the night that there's a baby at the hospital. Come and get your baby. No more drama, please. But we don't get a say in that either.