...this beautiful girl was born. We named her Ellen KyLee. Her birth mother, Jessica, had chosen the name Kiya Lee, and asked us if we could keep Lee in her name- KyLee was her idea for the middle name. She was born just after 11:00 p.m. ...I'll back up...
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On Wednesay, March 11, the day after this happened, Jessica called the agency. This was the birth mother we had heard from and then disappeared. She called from a treatment home- she had been there for three weeks after been arrested for meth use (she was on probation). She told the agency she still wanted us to adopt her baby, and that she was being induced on March 23rd. Yep, less than two weeks away! She called me last Friday to set up a plan for us to come meet her during visiting hours on Sunday, the day before she would be induced. Less than two hours after she called we got a call from the treatment home that Jessica had gone into labor and was going into the hospital.
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We met the baby about an hour after she was born. They put us in our own room, and she stayed with us. I was a bit reserved, but Davin fell fast in love with her. Everything was going very smoothly- the next morning we found out that Jessica was getting ready to leave the hospital, and that she was going to sign the papers as soon as possible. That was about 11:00 Saturday morning. I'll skip details, but looking back, things starting turning upside down in the next several hours. At about 7:00 in the evening we got a call from our counselor. Jessica had changed her mind. Actually, I think she was strongly influenced by someone else, but it really doesn't matter. Ellen was no longer our baby. And we never got to say goodbye to her. When we found out, she was with Jessica.
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So, it's okay to be mad at God, right? I'm not sure who else to be mad at, and I feel like I need to be mad at someone. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I think I knew something was off from the moment I met the baby. However, Davin didn't. I hate to see him is so much pain. This sucks. That's all there is too it. Where we go from here, we don't know. In time we will. But for now we'll just leave it at "this sucks". I just hope and pray that Kiya has a happy and healthy life. And I pray that, even though I'm angry at God, he will help me understand this.
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Thank you everyone for your kindness, and all your thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to us.
19 comments:
There's not really anyone you can be mad at, so I think God will do just fine. I figure she's big enough and loving enough that she can take it. :) I pray she has a happy and healthy life - and is just what her mother needs to stay well.
Sending hugs and love, as always. :)
btw - that is the baby I saw. I thought it was a blue blanket, but it was the hat.
she of the happy healthy life being the baby, not God, LOL.
oh, not that I don't wish God to have a happy healthy life, I just think that's a given, LOL.
Oh, Laura. I can't imagine your pain right now. Even though you might be mad at God right now, I hope that he gives you the strength that you need to get through this.
Well, what do you know? I'd have to say you had a bit of mother's intuition in this situation. Always trust it.
I hope you and Davin give each other plenty of love and hugs until you can get through this. You both need it.
Elizabeth~ I got what you meant. :)
With Oliver, that was very much the case- his mother needed him to stay clean. I worry about Jessica though, because she already has a 3 yr. old son, and she couldn't stay clean for him...
I wanted to put on the white hat we brought for her, but it didn't fit. Weird. But I still don't understand it completely...
Mindi~ I think my anger has passed for the most part- I just am frustrated. And I miss the baby like crazy.
Laura- both you and Davin have been in my thoughts and prayers since I heard what happened. May God continue to give you strength to get through this. You are a strong person. Aunt Karen
Prayers, love, and hugs to you and Davin.
Always thinking about you and praying that you and Davin can get through this.
My heart goes out to you. You're in my prayers. ~Brita Haapala
This is so heartbreaking. My love and prayers are with you both. My heart swelled with joy upon first reading, then was crushed. I can't imagine your pain. Trust God with all your heart. He will take care of you.
~Rebecca P
Thoughts and prayers are with you and Davin! We love you lots!
I'm am really sorry that you have to feel this pain again. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Awe Laura and Davin- I can't even imagine what you are going through right now and I won't pretend to. Know that both of you are in my thoughts and prayers... and know that you are loved by many.
I came across your blog and what a sad story. My prayers are with you and my prayers are with this baby. I hate to judge but I hope this mother can get some help for this child's sake.
Love and prayers to both of you right now... May God grant you the strength you need, now and always.
Still thinking of you and Davin...may God watch over you both as well as that beautiful baby.
Big hugs to you and Davin.
Cheryl
When I saw the picture, I was so happy for you-thinking your dream had finally come true. But now, my heart is aching for you and Davin. I'm sure God has a plan for and someday it will be clear why you had to go through this again but it's hard to imagine it now. I hope knowing that many people are thinking of you two is some comfort.
I can't how heartbreaking this must be for you and Davin and the fact that you two have had to go through this more than once is just unfair. You can be angry with God, he understands.
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