"Two Hands" by Jars of Clay

So, I've been trying to form a blog entry in my head for several days now, but my thoughts just keep spinning. If I had one word to describe how I feel about life right now, it would "Confused". There is a lot of pain around me that I don't understand. Anyway, I was driving home from St. Cloud tonight, and this song came on the radio. I didn't even realize that I was paying attention to the lyrics until I noticed my head felt lighter than it has in days. This song is pretty much how I'm feeling right now- about life, about faith. Going from 101.3 to 98.5 on my car radio may be turning out to be a good thing for me.

About that, I started listening to spiritual stations last week when I first was feeling a lot of sadness and grief. I was pretty cynical at first- all the talk about God didn't make me comforted at all- in fact I cried a lot because it didn't sound real to me and I was angry. But it started to become more comfortable, and tonight was the first time I was really, truly glad I had it on. It was the first time I felt like I truly benefited from it.

Anyway, this is "Two Hands", by Jars of Clay. I haven't quite made it to the final paragraph yet, as far as my life goes, but I trust I'll get there.

Say Hey by Michael Franti

Doesn't this just make you wanna get up and DANCE??? ...and to the question I know you're gonna ask- this singer was adopted as an infant by a Finnish couple. :D

My playlist

I spent some of this afternoon putting together a playlist for the first time. I was trying to distract my mind from my feelings- it worked well for awhile. Basically, all the songs are ones that I like (obviously)- some new, some older. I kept out the country songs that I like- the ones that have meaning to me. Only for the sole reason that I dislike country music in general, and I felt these songs- even with the good memories- kind of ruined the vibe of the list... I tend to like soundtracks with lesser-known artists. I could have put almost the entire soundtracks from Juno and P.S. I Love You on here, but I stuck with a couple of my favorite from each. Enjoy.

P.S. If I have to pick a favorite from this list it would be track 5: Anyone Else But You, sung by Michael Cera and Ellen Page from Juno.

ETA: You and Me by Plain White T's is my phone ring tone, so now when I have my playlist playing I grab for my phone when it comes on. For dumb.

Boom Boom Pow

How's this for song? I love it- even if it makes no sense to me. It makes me want to dance and do kickboxing at the same time! Here's Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas:

Gotta get-get, gotta get-get
Gotta get-get, gotta g-g-g-get-get-get, get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom pow
Boom boom...

...eh nevermind, here's a link the video- the CLEAN version, of course, where shit is s***. Nice.

I try not to worry 'bout her

Davin and I had a meeting at the adoption agency yesterday to update our home study. On the drive home we talked about Kiya. It's seems like it's gotten harder for me while it's gotten easier for Davin. I told him this, and I told me about this song. He said whenever he hears it, he cries a little. It reminds him of Kiya. I don't really listen to country music, so I had never heard it- I went online to find it when I got home. It's doesn't fit in the literal sense, but it does speak true to a lot of our feelings. So I thought I'd share it. Here's the lyrics to Sissy's Song, by Alan Jackson:

...

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me
...
Link to the song on you tube