The H Fiasco, then Light.

WARNING: Insanely Long Post! Read at your own risk!

I've been MIA in the blog world for awhile. There was some crazy stuff going on with our adoption ride, and I wasn't ready to share. But now I am. I think. Let's see.

In January I started networking online. I created a youtube video. A few weeks after I posted it, I saw someone had commented on it. It was this girl, D, from last year. The one we walked away from. I emailed her and she told me she has a friend who is due to have a baby in March and was considering adoption. This began to what I refer to now as the H Fiasco. H had one child taken from her due to neglect, and that baby is being adopted by her foster family. She was using drugs and could not care for her child. Now she was pregnant with another. She didn't want the county to get involved so she thought she would choose adoption. D (oh, she decided to parent and is happy with her decision!) became our go-between contact. I gave her information to give to H. The situation was unhealthy from the beginning- I put so much energy and effort into it and I was getting nothing in return. Still, I couldn't help but think "what if this IS our baby?", so I continued. Eventually I got in touch with H through facebook. We chatted a few times. But she would not make an adoption plan. She would not call an agency or an attorney. And we couldn't force her to. Her excuse was always that she was nervous and scared and couldn't get herself to make the call. I gave her email addresses to the agency and attorney, but she didn't email them either. So...we were halfway (well, closer to fully) preparing for a baby girl. She didn't have a specific due date- just mid to late March. Mid March came and she still had made no plan. We started to realize she was not going to make a plan before the baby was born.

Backing up to the other half of the story...

I have mentioned an online adoption group called Adoption Voices. Through this site, M found us and learned our story. She has a friend who is due in June and is planning to place her baby for adoption. M initially contacted me in February saying she passed our info onto her friend, T (don't you love the whole inital names- keep them straight!) and that she was "rooting for us". It definitely stayed in my mind (I don't know how we deserved the rooting, but we were definitely touched), but I didn't get my hopes up because we knew nothing about T, and had no reason to believe she would choose us. Yet, in mid-March (while we were stressed about Hailey have her baby anyday and not having a plan), I got a message from M, asking to call her. I did, and holy shit, T wanted us to adopt her baby! That's when things went into complete chaos. We learned a little about T, and every tiny bit of information we heard about her made us want to work with more than anything. So there was a big dilemma. A birth mother was due ANYDAY, who did not show interest in making an adoption plan, but to who (whom? whatev) I had put endless energy into, and now a new birth mother, who was very anxious to make a plan for her baby boy due in June. If I hadn't put so much into the H Fiasco (this reminds me- I need to color my hair- somehow I have grays everywhere) we would have said right then, yes, let's get in contact with T. But H was due anyday and my heart was in it. She had an appointment and was to be induced in a little over a week. T, bless her heart, said she would wait out our current situation before choosing another couple. See? What's not to love about that? But we didn't want to make her wait. After H had her appointment I sent her a message saying we needed her to make a plan by the end of the week or we couldn't work with her. She said she would. She didn't. So I got her on facebook chat and gently broke up with her. She didn't seem to mind one bit. That same night I sent an email to T.

Since then:

H had her baby last Monday, five days before she was to be induced. It was harder for me than I thought it would be. I asked T for a few days to grieve the 'loss' before working on our adoption plan. Again, bless her, she said to take the time I needed. It took one evening of crying my eyes out, a good nights sleep, and a run in the morning, and then I felt good and strong and ready to move on. I came to find out H was upset with us for backing out, but I feel that was just her cop-out for not making a plan. It was one of those situations where even if she did place with us, she is too unstable for us to trust that she wouldn't change her mind. And she wanted a very open adoption. We weren't prepared for weekly visits, and we had the feeling that if we didn't meet those expectations she would not sign the adoption papers and we would have to wait a long 60 days by law to see if she would change her mind or not. She had already robbed me so much of my energy- always online hoping I would catch her and get to talk things out- texting D constantly, wondering how she was doing. Baby girl went home from the hospital with H's mom. I don't know what her long term plan is. I gave her the name of a couple we know who are also wanting to adopt. I can only hope and pray she does what's best for her baby.

Onto the good news:

We are CHOSEN. MATCHED. PARENTS-TO-BE. Whatever you want to call it! God willing, we will be adopting T's baby boy, due in June, in Arizona. We've been in contact with T since that first email to her. Emails, facebook, texts, we're in touch. It's been amazing and refreshing. We're flying down to Arizona next week to meet her. I am SO excited. I haven't quite figured out how to put words to what I am feeling about this adoption match. It's overwhelming. Someday, I will find the words and dedicate a post to it.

But for now, I'll shut up, as this post is crazy long. Wondering what to take away from it all (if in fact you are still reading)? Adoption is crazy and heart-breaking, but I've already said that. So take this: there are amazing birth mothers out there. And we are working with one. This is what I love about adoption. Oh, and we can't wait to meet our son!

Peace out.