It's how I really feel

Positive energy. Those are my words to live by this year. And I'm really glad I took the time to choose them, because today I am reminding myself over and over how important those words are. The truth is I'm having a hard "I-really-want-to-be-a-mommy" day. Please, don't offer up your kids. It's a joke we get all the time: "Hey, you can take my kids for a couple days, then decide if you want one of your own". I laugh, I know you're just joking around, but in my head I'm thinking, "I hope you know how blessed you are". For the record, I know that every person who has said that IS grateful for their children. If I didn't think you were, I'd set you straight real fast. -insert sarcmark-.

Anyway, when I'm having a day like today, I call up our adoption social worker to "check in". I call in hopes of hearing that they are busy and 10 birthmothers haven't chosen yet. Nope. Three haven't chosen. That's usually about what it is- it averages between two and five. We are slowly creeping to the 'top' of the list. We are #9 on their website, and #15 in the book. So 14 people (out of 45 right now) have been waiting longer than us. There are rare situations when a birthmother is about to give birth or has already given birth and wants to place, but doesn't want to "choose" a family. That baby would be adopted by the #1 person. We're getting there...

What I really wish is that the birthmother social workers could 'help' choose a family. Because we've worked with both social workers (each of our failed placements), and we are spoken highly of around the agency. I've heard from not only them, but also someone that was at the annual picnic. A social worker told this girl (she and her husband adopted last year) that the 'office' is secretly rooting for Davin and I because of what we've been through and because of the way we treat birthmothers. They are flabbergasted that we've become friends with our first birthmother. I'm told this over and over again by my social worker, but I find it kind of odd. I would hope everyone treats their birthmothers with love and respect, even if she does change her mind. People aren't that cold, are they? Of course I was angry at Stephanie at first, but things happen for a reason.

Okay, now I'm rambling. Going to the baby's room to say a little prayer, then I'll probably grab some chocolate and watch a brainless show on tv. Tv is usually good for my soul. I love Ellen... yep, I'm gonna watch an episode of Ellen. That will make me smile. And laugh.

That's all.