2009 Resolutions

Hahahahahaha. Ha. Who do I think I'm kidding? I couldn't keep a resolution to save my life.

So for this coming year my HOPE is for happiness, and, God willing, to become a mommy.

Happy New Year everyone! May 2009 bring to you good health, love, and happiness!

Winter in the U.P.

All these pictures were taken at Davin's parents- their house is tucked in a cozy corner that makes it feel like you're at a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. If you can read it, the sign says "Two Achers". :D Davin's Dad made it. Along with their entire house and the two out buildings- he's got quite the talent!

Christmas Highlights: 2008 Edition

~ Watching Davin turn into an ultra goof when he's around his family. It makes me roll my eyes and smile at the same time. :P

~ Spending time with Davin's family and getting to know them better!

~ Discovering that I am not the only one in Davin's family who talks way faster than I think! Yes, Sara, I'm talking about you- you crack me up!

~ All the kids!!! Oh my goodness! They define the excitment of Christmas!

~ Beautiful, glorious SUNSHINE on Christmas day!

~ Great food. Lots and lots of great food!

~ Getting a couple quality hours with my family as well!

And the biggest highlight:

~ Tiny blue booty ornament from Davin's parents as a keepsake in honor of our Nik. It was by far the best Christmas gift we received. Made me cry, of course. The gesture was so incredibley sweet.

It was a wonderful Christmas! :)

Oh, the snow!

This tree is in Davin's parent's front yard. Don't you feel sorry for the poor branches?

Christmas Wishes

May your fingers and toes be warm.
May your bellies be full of goodies.
Most of all, may your hearts be filled with love and the true meaning of Christmas.

God Bless you and your loved ones!

A look at the bright side

Even when the temps are hovering around zero degrees here, most days we get a sunny and clear blue sky. This is the reason I cannot live in Michigan. I need me my sunshine. And Target, of course. :)

I have a dream...

...that one day my toes will thaw.

So the talk of the town- or rather, state, is the weather. In my opinion, if the weather outside is colder than the interior of my freezer, it's too cold. Check that. If the weather outside at night is colder than the interior of my refrigerator, then it's too cold out. So why do I live in Minnesota, you ask? I've been asking myself that question for the past three days, and I have yet to come up with a good answer. The only reasonable one is that, with the economy the way it is, there is no way we could sell our house. Other than that, I've got nothing. Davin and I (maybe me more than Davin) have thrown around the idea of moving somewhere warm. I really despise Minnesota winters. However, I thought it would be hard to move away from family and friends. This is true. But the reality is, I have plenty of family and friends that would happily come visit us to get away from this cruel weather! This is how it would work: I would keep a piggy bank- feed it everyday throughout the summer. Then when this weather hits- CRASH- I'd throw that pig on the floor, gather up all the money, and overnight it to my family and friends. Gas money. Warm up your cars. It's 70 degrees here. We'll go biking. With t-shirts on! We'll have a barbeque. Outside. In the warmth. In the yummy, yummy warmth.

-SIGH-

My family

I think most of us probably take our families for granted from time to time. I know not everyone in my family reads my blog, but for those of you that do, thank you for being who you are. I have a hard time expressing my emotions in person, so I'll start here. I love you all!

Dad: You are strong and hard-working. You don't let anything get in your way. You have always done everything you can to protect your kids. Thanks for that.
Mom: You're the best mom. You, like Dad, are amazingly strong. You have so much on your shoulders, and you are still there when any of us need you. You are patient, and have the kindest heart. I hope to be half the mom that you are.

Shari: I have always called you a Supermom, and that you are. I don't know how you manage all you do, and maintain a healthy energy level! I know you're still in denial that you're a wee bit nuts, but that's okay because it makes you who you are! :D
Mark: It is said that two people are meant for each other- you and Shari define that. I admire your work ethic- you have worked so incredibly hard to become who you are for your family- I'm proud to have you as a brother. And you held the title of best son-in-law for five years. That was a good run, my friend. :)

Leanne: I consider you a friend as much as a sister. I love your passion. Everything that you do, you do out of the goodness of your heart. You are kind to everyone. Your boys are very lucky to have you as a mom!
Cory: First, of course I'm proud of what you do- thank you for your service! But more importantly, you are a loving husband and dad. I love that you take time for the little things- like posting on Leanne's blog. :) And anyone watching you with your boys can see what a great pappa you are!

Amy: You're a loyal sister and friend. You love people for who they are. I wish I were a fraction as domestic as you. Thanks again for the apron, by the way! And you are so good to your kids!
Kevin: Sometimes it weird to me that you're now my brother, being we were friends way back when. But I am happy to have you as a brother! You take good care of Amy and the kids- thanks for that.

Tim: I admire the hard work you have put in to provide for your family. And even in your busy work life, you find time to spend with your girls!
Trista: I love that you're my sister and friend. You're an amazing, hands-on mom. Your girls are so lucky to have you! And I love your sense of humor. :)

Mike: I don't know a guy nicer than you. I am proud to be your sister. You have such a big heart, and it's fun to watch you with Tate- you're a great dad.
Shana: I love your spirit. You say it as it is. That's a rare quality, and I admire you for it. And you actually take the time to play with Tate- you and Mike are both wonderful parents.

Dan: I love that you have been a loving stay at home dad while Lynne finishes school. And you are 10 times more domestic than myself- thanks for all the goodies you've made over time!
Lynne: Sweetheart. That's how I would have to describe you. Have you ever said or done anything mean in your life? I adore you and look forward to getting to know you better!

Chrissy: I see you as a girl who is confident and comfortable with herself. I love that you can be goofy and not care what others think. I love the sparkle in your eye.
Brett: I have yet to get to know you, but you put a permanent grin on my sister's face, so thank you for that!

Steve: Oh, you and your abs. You are possibly the wittiest person I know. You may act all tough and macho, but we've all seen your soft side with the nieces and nephews! :)

Ryan: I see you as someone who is still figuring himself out. I know you are very creative and artistic. You love hockey and are a good goalie. Heck, you've been practicing since you could stand up! :)

Mary: I see so much of myself in you. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. :D Kidding. I love that when you start laughing you cannot stop. Always believe in yourself, Sweetie. I love you.

A season to believe

This Christmas is not as Davin and I had envisioned it. We thought we would be addressing and sending out Christmas cards of our baby Nik right now. I thought I'd be worn out from sleepless nights due to a baby's demands, not tired because of the sadness I feel. My heart aches every day. Not for Oliver. I am happy for him and his family. My heart aches from the emptiness in our lives, our hearts. Where is our baby? Is he or she out there somewhere? Is our birth mother expecting yet? Is she about to give birth? It is so incredibly difficult to ponder these questions, because there is no possible way to know.

So this Christmas has brought on a new meaning to us. We have not felt the Christmas spirit, and we have decided that we're okay with that. The tree is still boxed up. The ornaments, the decorations, the lights are still stored away. We have a wreath on our front door, which we bought from Cole (Leanne's son), a poinsettia from my sister, Trista, a spiced cinnamon scented wallflower from Bath and Body Work's, and this ornament (above), also from my sister, Trista. Have I ever said how sweet Trista is? She is. Very sweet. Thanks for being you!

Anyway, while our home is close to void of Christmas decorations, we are trying will all our hearts to BELIEVE. To believe that God has a baby for us. To believe that we will enjoy Christmas day, regardless of the pain we feel. To believe that it will all be okay. I especially like to believe that next year will be a more joyous season for us. I want to believe that there will be a not two, but three stockings hanging along the railing. That our home will look and feel like Christmas everywhere you turn. I believe it will be happy.

Right now we are going about our lives as if it were any other month of the year. With aching but believing hearts.

Oreo Truffles (formerly known as Oreo Balls)

Oh, yes. This is what I consider Christmas baking. Dip any and everything in melted almond bark! I first had these at Davin's work party four years ago and now I make them every year. They are gauranteed to be a hit- I promise!

Oreo Truffles

1 pkg. of oreos
8 ozs. whipped cream cheese
1 pkg. almond bark, melted
melting chocolate*

Crush oreos and blend well with cream cheese. Roll into balls and dip into melted almond bark. Drizzle with melted chocolate. Freeze or refrigerate until ready to eat! Enjoy! (:

*I sometimes use Christmas sprinkles instead of chocolate drizzle.

"Tag" I'm it!

Thanks, Mindi! These six things are going toward my 100 things:

1 (50)- Unlike Mindi, I despise cooking. I think Davin cooks more than I do. I always say that once we have a family I'll get more into it. I don't know what the chances of that are...

2 (51)- I am married to a wanna-be farmer. Davin thinks it would be cool to have a chunk of land and a combine to play with. That's more about him, but I'm using it.

3 (52)- I talk to myself in the car. I have conversations with imaginary people. Sometimes I don't have water with and my mouth gets dry from my meaningful conversations.

4 (53)- You know of Simon Baker? He stars in the new show The Mentalist. His smile melts your heart. His character's smile, of course.

5 (54)- I don't like coffee, but I kind of wish I did. The idea is appealing to me, but each time I taste it, I gag. Even if it's a food with coffee flavor. Yuck. I'll stick with my Diet Coke, even in the cold, cold winter.

6 (55)- Davin and I cannot play Monopoly together. I get mad and throw the board. Seriously. Davin sucks at making deals.

Okay, I get to tag! Amy L., Elizabeth, Janette, Jen H., JoLynn, Leanne

What's your favorite Christmas carol?

'Tis the season! I am warily caving in. It may be the nice cards we have been getting in the mail. Or the white crap on the ground. That's what I call snow, if you didn't already figure that. However, considering that is what I call it, I highly doubt it is the reason I am giving in to the Christmas spirit....or is it? One never knows with my twisted mind. Regardless, I have had my car radio tuned to 99.9 for the last couple days- all Christmas songs, all season long. And I have to admit- I love Christmas carols. Last week at the hospital the men's choir was rehearsing for the tree lighting ceremony and I had to stop and listen for a few minutes. Never mind that a nice elderly patient was waiting for me to bring him to his room. KIDDING- I had already taken him- I was just returning a wheelchair. :)

Anyhoo...there are so many beautiful carols. And fun ones. My favorite one is The Little Drummer Boy. Why? Because I love the tune- I love how it sounds. However, I realized the other day as it was playing on the radio that I don't all the words. This is how I am with music. I love a song for its sound, but rarely know all the lyrics. Sometimes I'll be singing along to a song on the radio and suddenly I realize what I'm singing, and I'm like "Whoa! That's a BAD song!" So my goal this Christmas season is to actually listen to the lyrics of the carols.

So, what's your favorite Christmas carol, and why?

By the way, after listening to all the lyrics of The Little Drummer Boy, it still is my favorite. :)

A birth mother's decision

When we started the adoption process, we were so consumed in ourselves. The home study and paperwork required us to look deeply into who we are as individuals and as husband and wife. We faced facts about ourselves that we would have never otherwise thought about. We took a hard look at our marriage. I was worried going in and facing all these deep issues, but was pleased to see how incredibly strong our marriage is. Davin and I balance each other very well, and we love and respect each other more than ever.

Anyway, a home study evaluates your life, but once it's over it is time to wait for a birth mother to choose you to raise her baby. It wasn't until Stephanie and Casey changed their minds about the adoption that we could see just how difficult it is for a birth mother to give her baby away. We were told from the start, and we thought we understood that it is very hard for a woman to place her baby for adoption, but I think we had under-estimated the extent of a birth mother's burden. Even when a woman knows she is not ready to be a mother or cannot provide for her child, she still loves him or her all the same. For those of you who are mother's, you can't imagine carrying your child for nine months, giving birth, and then handing this little life to someone else, trusting they will provide a better life that you could. It doesn't matter that a birth mother may not have wanted to get pregnant in the first place. It does not matter if she is 16 years old and trying to get through high school, or 30 and trying to get her life in order. Every woman who carries another life inside her loves that baby. No matter what. And it is that love that makes adoption so difficult, but also what makes it possible. A woman can only hand her child to another person to raise when she knows she cannot, for whatever reason, raise that baby, and she loves him or her way too much to try raise them in her situation.

In Stephanie's case, she was trying to get her life in order and panicked when she found out she was pregnant. Her love for her child immediately made her start an adoption plan. As things calmed, I believe she grew stronger as a person, as did the love for the baby she was carrying. She was lucky to have a strong support system to help her, and she found she could in fact raise her baby. How could anyone blame her for changing her mind?

Not every birth mother has family and friends like Stephanie. There are girls and women who would love to raise their babies, but just cannot. One of them who loves her baby so much, will choose us to raise him or her, and we will have a family. However, the mother will grieve. A birth mother placing her baby for adoption is losing her child. It is never easy for her. When I am rocking our baby to sleep someday I will be praying for his or her birth mother- I will pray that God will give her strength to help her through her loss, and that He will continue to watch over her always.

I cannot write exactly how I feel- it comes out all rambly, but what I am saying is a birth mother's decision is not easy. It is made out of love. And I will never take that for granted.

10:26 pm

48) Every time I happen to see 10:26 pm on a digital clock a make a wish.

This started way back, I don't know, maybe when I was in high school. I noticed that I happened to look at my bedroom clock at exactly 10:26 pm many nights in a row. It was a pure coincidence. So, being the loopy-loop that I am, I started to make a wish each time I saw it. Rules developed over time- here they are, laid out for the first time ever.

1) I cannot sit and wait for 10:26. I can only make a wish if I randomly look at the clock and it is 10:26.
2) The wish has to be specific. For example, I cannot simply wish for a baby. That could mean I would get a baby 10 years from now. Nor can I wish for a baby this month. Because that could mean December of 2016.
3) The wish must be ended with a "Thank You".
4) Once I make the wish I have to shut my eyes and keep them shut until the clock turns to 10:27.

This can be tricky. When I see 10:26 I have no idea if I have 59 seconds or 4 seconds to make my wish. If the clock turns before I'm done, the wish is no good. Once I shut my eyes, I don't know how long they should be closed. If I open them and it is still 10:26 the wish won't come true. Likewise, if it is 10:28, the wish is also nixed.

10:26 pm seperates my wishes from my prayers. In my wishes I can wish for anything, no matter how bizarre. ...hm, that's probably why they never come true, hey? Even still, it's something I've been doing for years, and I'll probably be still being doing when I'm milking it in a nursing home.

Oh, and this all brings me to

49) My favorite number is 26. Because of above story, of course! :)

Some more about me- YAY!

39) I would love to know how to dance for real, but I'm deathly afraid of taking lessons because I'm scared to find out exactly how bad I really am. Yes, J, there's my confession and the reason I don't want to go this weekend... :P

40) I say that I don't care what others think of me. The truth is, I do care. A lot. It's not so much about being liked- it's more about hoping I don't annoy or offend people.

41) Along those lines, I am very self-conscience. I am always thinking people must think I am ugly or dumb. Or annoying. ...wow, that was a deep confession.

42) Although I don't have a very high self-esteem, I am confident that I will be a good mom.

43) Today I heard a verse of Brahm's Lullaby FOUR times in four hours at the hospital- they play it each time a baby is born. This is the only downside of volunteering- reminds me how badly I want to be a mommy.

44) Switching topics: I lost my diamond engagement ring over a year ago. I still feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I do have a replacement band that I love, but it's still sickening that I would lose my wedding ring...

45) I have also lost every diamond earring I have owned. 4 total (two sets). I told Davin to quit replacing them- fake one's are much safer for me.

46) Although I seem to lose diamonds a lot, I never lose my keys. Seriously, if I don't know where they are, I find them within a minute or two.

47) However, my socks do disappear in the dryer, just like everyone else's.

Missing airplane ride story...

I had posted a really, really funny story that somehow got lost. I don't know if I accidentally deleted it when I was editing it- or if someone thought it wasn't funny and hacked into my account and deleted it. Actually, someone probably thought it was so funny that they hacked into my account and deleted it so they could use it as their own original idea. ...that's probably what happened.

Anyway, here's the shortened version:

I was bored on the flight home from Vegas. I couldn't sleep and everyone around me was chatting away. So I pretended to talk in my sleep. People stopped talking. I heard someone say "should we wake her up?" and another say "no, I don't think we're supposed to." After a few mumbled phrases I stopped. And after about a minute the chatting started again.

Now, you may think that was just obnoxious- it was- but it was so much fun! And I kept a straight face! Davin thought it was weird, as did others, but hey, it kept me entertained for a few minutes! So if you're ever looking for something to do on a boring flight, take this into consideration. Just don't talk about bombs or anything. I suspect that may get you into some mighty trouble.

And there's the missing story...