A birth mother's decision

When we started the adoption process, we were so consumed in ourselves. The home study and paperwork required us to look deeply into who we are as individuals and as husband and wife. We faced facts about ourselves that we would have never otherwise thought about. We took a hard look at our marriage. I was worried going in and facing all these deep issues, but was pleased to see how incredibly strong our marriage is. Davin and I balance each other very well, and we love and respect each other more than ever.

Anyway, a home study evaluates your life, but once it's over it is time to wait for a birth mother to choose you to raise her baby. It wasn't until Stephanie and Casey changed their minds about the adoption that we could see just how difficult it is for a birth mother to give her baby away. We were told from the start, and we thought we understood that it is very hard for a woman to place her baby for adoption, but I think we had under-estimated the extent of a birth mother's burden. Even when a woman knows she is not ready to be a mother or cannot provide for her child, she still loves him or her all the same. For those of you who are mother's, you can't imagine carrying your child for nine months, giving birth, and then handing this little life to someone else, trusting they will provide a better life that you could. It doesn't matter that a birth mother may not have wanted to get pregnant in the first place. It does not matter if she is 16 years old and trying to get through high school, or 30 and trying to get her life in order. Every woman who carries another life inside her loves that baby. No matter what. And it is that love that makes adoption so difficult, but also what makes it possible. A woman can only hand her child to another person to raise when she knows she cannot, for whatever reason, raise that baby, and she loves him or her way too much to try raise them in her situation.

In Stephanie's case, she was trying to get her life in order and panicked when she found out she was pregnant. Her love for her child immediately made her start an adoption plan. As things calmed, I believe she grew stronger as a person, as did the love for the baby she was carrying. She was lucky to have a strong support system to help her, and she found she could in fact raise her baby. How could anyone blame her for changing her mind?

Not every birth mother has family and friends like Stephanie. There are girls and women who would love to raise their babies, but just cannot. One of them who loves her baby so much, will choose us to raise him or her, and we will have a family. However, the mother will grieve. A birth mother placing her baby for adoption is losing her child. It is never easy for her. When I am rocking our baby to sleep someday I will be praying for his or her birth mother- I will pray that God will give her strength to help her through her loss, and that He will continue to watch over her always.

I cannot write exactly how I feel- it comes out all rambly, but what I am saying is a birth mother's decision is not easy. It is made out of love. And I will never take that for granted.