A sad day

I am going to try my best to keep this blog cheery and upbeat. However, I also said I am going to be myself, and let's not kid ourselves, nobody is cheery every day. So why is today tough? Well, it's November. The baby boy we thought was going to be our son is due to be born on November 21st. We grieved the loss when the birth parents first changed our mind, but I'm realizing the loss is going to felt all over again when he is born.

We were going to name him Nik. We had his room all ready for him. All his clothes were washed. His ultrasound picture was in a frame on his dresser- I kissed him good night every night. One day I a went to pick up a bundle me that I bought on craigslist. I came home and put a load a load of Nik's clothes in the wash. I left for Target to buy bottles. On the way I called my sister Leanne and we were talking about how everything was going so well. I had just gotten an email from the birth mother two days before. She had met with her lawyer and she expressed how happy she was to have found Davin and I to raise her baby. While I was talking to Leanne our adoption counselor called. I said I would call her when I stopped. A few minutes later Davin called me. The agency had gotten an email from the birth parents and they had changed their minds.

Just like that it was over.

After the anger passed (it lasted a few days), I talked to Stephanie (the birth mother), and I felt somewhat better. She felt sincerely sorry. I won't go into why things changed so suddenly, but it was something we could understand. They wanted the ultrasound pictures back. Originally, I was so angry and I thought there was no way I was going to part with them. But time passed and I packed them up along with a gift we had gotten for Nik, and sent them back. Stephanie said she would let us know when Oliver (their name) is born. They will send us a picture.

Back to today...I have been feeling sad. I've cried- a lot. I have a feeling this is going to be a tough month.

Thanks for letting me vent. It helps.