2009 Resolutions

Hahahahahaha. Ha. Who do I think I'm kidding? I couldn't keep a resolution to save my life.

So for this coming year my HOPE is for happiness, and, God willing, to become a mommy.

Happy New Year everyone! May 2009 bring to you good health, love, and happiness!

Winter in the U.P.

All these pictures were taken at Davin's parents- their house is tucked in a cozy corner that makes it feel like you're at a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. If you can read it, the sign says "Two Achers". :D Davin's Dad made it. Along with their entire house and the two out buildings- he's got quite the talent!

Christmas Highlights: 2008 Edition

~ Watching Davin turn into an ultra goof when he's around his family. It makes me roll my eyes and smile at the same time. :P

~ Spending time with Davin's family and getting to know them better!

~ Discovering that I am not the only one in Davin's family who talks way faster than I think! Yes, Sara, I'm talking about you- you crack me up!

~ All the kids!!! Oh my goodness! They define the excitment of Christmas!

~ Beautiful, glorious SUNSHINE on Christmas day!

~ Great food. Lots and lots of great food!

~ Getting a couple quality hours with my family as well!

And the biggest highlight:

~ Tiny blue booty ornament from Davin's parents as a keepsake in honor of our Nik. It was by far the best Christmas gift we received. Made me cry, of course. The gesture was so incredibley sweet.

It was a wonderful Christmas! :)

Oh, the snow!

This tree is in Davin's parent's front yard. Don't you feel sorry for the poor branches?

Christmas Wishes

May your fingers and toes be warm.
May your bellies be full of goodies.
Most of all, may your hearts be filled with love and the true meaning of Christmas.

God Bless you and your loved ones!

A look at the bright side

Even when the temps are hovering around zero degrees here, most days we get a sunny and clear blue sky. This is the reason I cannot live in Michigan. I need me my sunshine. And Target, of course. :)

I have a dream...

...that one day my toes will thaw.

So the talk of the town- or rather, state, is the weather. In my opinion, if the weather outside is colder than the interior of my freezer, it's too cold. Check that. If the weather outside at night is colder than the interior of my refrigerator, then it's too cold out. So why do I live in Minnesota, you ask? I've been asking myself that question for the past three days, and I have yet to come up with a good answer. The only reasonable one is that, with the economy the way it is, there is no way we could sell our house. Other than that, I've got nothing. Davin and I (maybe me more than Davin) have thrown around the idea of moving somewhere warm. I really despise Minnesota winters. However, I thought it would be hard to move away from family and friends. This is true. But the reality is, I have plenty of family and friends that would happily come visit us to get away from this cruel weather! This is how it would work: I would keep a piggy bank- feed it everyday throughout the summer. Then when this weather hits- CRASH- I'd throw that pig on the floor, gather up all the money, and overnight it to my family and friends. Gas money. Warm up your cars. It's 70 degrees here. We'll go biking. With t-shirts on! We'll have a barbeque. Outside. In the warmth. In the yummy, yummy warmth.

-SIGH-

My family

I think most of us probably take our families for granted from time to time. I know not everyone in my family reads my blog, but for those of you that do, thank you for being who you are. I have a hard time expressing my emotions in person, so I'll start here. I love you all!

Dad: You are strong and hard-working. You don't let anything get in your way. You have always done everything you can to protect your kids. Thanks for that.
Mom: You're the best mom. You, like Dad, are amazingly strong. You have so much on your shoulders, and you are still there when any of us need you. You are patient, and have the kindest heart. I hope to be half the mom that you are.

Shari: I have always called you a Supermom, and that you are. I don't know how you manage all you do, and maintain a healthy energy level! I know you're still in denial that you're a wee bit nuts, but that's okay because it makes you who you are! :D
Mark: It is said that two people are meant for each other- you and Shari define that. I admire your work ethic- you have worked so incredibly hard to become who you are for your family- I'm proud to have you as a brother. And you held the title of best son-in-law for five years. That was a good run, my friend. :)

Leanne: I consider you a friend as much as a sister. I love your passion. Everything that you do, you do out of the goodness of your heart. You are kind to everyone. Your boys are very lucky to have you as a mom!
Cory: First, of course I'm proud of what you do- thank you for your service! But more importantly, you are a loving husband and dad. I love that you take time for the little things- like posting on Leanne's blog. :) And anyone watching you with your boys can see what a great pappa you are!

Amy: You're a loyal sister and friend. You love people for who they are. I wish I were a fraction as domestic as you. Thanks again for the apron, by the way! And you are so good to your kids!
Kevin: Sometimes it weird to me that you're now my brother, being we were friends way back when. But I am happy to have you as a brother! You take good care of Amy and the kids- thanks for that.

Tim: I admire the hard work you have put in to provide for your family. And even in your busy work life, you find time to spend with your girls!
Trista: I love that you're my sister and friend. You're an amazing, hands-on mom. Your girls are so lucky to have you! And I love your sense of humor. :)

Mike: I don't know a guy nicer than you. I am proud to be your sister. You have such a big heart, and it's fun to watch you with Tate- you're a great dad.
Shana: I love your spirit. You say it as it is. That's a rare quality, and I admire you for it. And you actually take the time to play with Tate- you and Mike are both wonderful parents.

Dan: I love that you have been a loving stay at home dad while Lynne finishes school. And you are 10 times more domestic than myself- thanks for all the goodies you've made over time!
Lynne: Sweetheart. That's how I would have to describe you. Have you ever said or done anything mean in your life? I adore you and look forward to getting to know you better!

Chrissy: I see you as a girl who is confident and comfortable with herself. I love that you can be goofy and not care what others think. I love the sparkle in your eye.
Brett: I have yet to get to know you, but you put a permanent grin on my sister's face, so thank you for that!

Steve: Oh, you and your abs. You are possibly the wittiest person I know. You may act all tough and macho, but we've all seen your soft side with the nieces and nephews! :)

Ryan: I see you as someone who is still figuring himself out. I know you are very creative and artistic. You love hockey and are a good goalie. Heck, you've been practicing since you could stand up! :)

Mary: I see so much of myself in you. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. :D Kidding. I love that when you start laughing you cannot stop. Always believe in yourself, Sweetie. I love you.

A season to believe

This Christmas is not as Davin and I had envisioned it. We thought we would be addressing and sending out Christmas cards of our baby Nik right now. I thought I'd be worn out from sleepless nights due to a baby's demands, not tired because of the sadness I feel. My heart aches every day. Not for Oliver. I am happy for him and his family. My heart aches from the emptiness in our lives, our hearts. Where is our baby? Is he or she out there somewhere? Is our birth mother expecting yet? Is she about to give birth? It is so incredibly difficult to ponder these questions, because there is no possible way to know.

So this Christmas has brought on a new meaning to us. We have not felt the Christmas spirit, and we have decided that we're okay with that. The tree is still boxed up. The ornaments, the decorations, the lights are still stored away. We have a wreath on our front door, which we bought from Cole (Leanne's son), a poinsettia from my sister, Trista, a spiced cinnamon scented wallflower from Bath and Body Work's, and this ornament (above), also from my sister, Trista. Have I ever said how sweet Trista is? She is. Very sweet. Thanks for being you!

Anyway, while our home is close to void of Christmas decorations, we are trying will all our hearts to BELIEVE. To believe that God has a baby for us. To believe that we will enjoy Christmas day, regardless of the pain we feel. To believe that it will all be okay. I especially like to believe that next year will be a more joyous season for us. I want to believe that there will be a not two, but three stockings hanging along the railing. That our home will look and feel like Christmas everywhere you turn. I believe it will be happy.

Right now we are going about our lives as if it were any other month of the year. With aching but believing hearts.

Oreo Truffles (formerly known as Oreo Balls)

Oh, yes. This is what I consider Christmas baking. Dip any and everything in melted almond bark! I first had these at Davin's work party four years ago and now I make them every year. They are gauranteed to be a hit- I promise!

Oreo Truffles

1 pkg. of oreos
8 ozs. whipped cream cheese
1 pkg. almond bark, melted
melting chocolate*

Crush oreos and blend well with cream cheese. Roll into balls and dip into melted almond bark. Drizzle with melted chocolate. Freeze or refrigerate until ready to eat! Enjoy! (:

*I sometimes use Christmas sprinkles instead of chocolate drizzle.

"Tag" I'm it!

Thanks, Mindi! These six things are going toward my 100 things:

1 (50)- Unlike Mindi, I despise cooking. I think Davin cooks more than I do. I always say that once we have a family I'll get more into it. I don't know what the chances of that are...

2 (51)- I am married to a wanna-be farmer. Davin thinks it would be cool to have a chunk of land and a combine to play with. That's more about him, but I'm using it.

3 (52)- I talk to myself in the car. I have conversations with imaginary people. Sometimes I don't have water with and my mouth gets dry from my meaningful conversations.

4 (53)- You know of Simon Baker? He stars in the new show The Mentalist. His smile melts your heart. His character's smile, of course.

5 (54)- I don't like coffee, but I kind of wish I did. The idea is appealing to me, but each time I taste it, I gag. Even if it's a food with coffee flavor. Yuck. I'll stick with my Diet Coke, even in the cold, cold winter.

6 (55)- Davin and I cannot play Monopoly together. I get mad and throw the board. Seriously. Davin sucks at making deals.

Okay, I get to tag! Amy L., Elizabeth, Janette, Jen H., JoLynn, Leanne

What's your favorite Christmas carol?

'Tis the season! I am warily caving in. It may be the nice cards we have been getting in the mail. Or the white crap on the ground. That's what I call snow, if you didn't already figure that. However, considering that is what I call it, I highly doubt it is the reason I am giving in to the Christmas spirit....or is it? One never knows with my twisted mind. Regardless, I have had my car radio tuned to 99.9 for the last couple days- all Christmas songs, all season long. And I have to admit- I love Christmas carols. Last week at the hospital the men's choir was rehearsing for the tree lighting ceremony and I had to stop and listen for a few minutes. Never mind that a nice elderly patient was waiting for me to bring him to his room. KIDDING- I had already taken him- I was just returning a wheelchair. :)

Anyhoo...there are so many beautiful carols. And fun ones. My favorite one is The Little Drummer Boy. Why? Because I love the tune- I love how it sounds. However, I realized the other day as it was playing on the radio that I don't all the words. This is how I am with music. I love a song for its sound, but rarely know all the lyrics. Sometimes I'll be singing along to a song on the radio and suddenly I realize what I'm singing, and I'm like "Whoa! That's a BAD song!" So my goal this Christmas season is to actually listen to the lyrics of the carols.

So, what's your favorite Christmas carol, and why?

By the way, after listening to all the lyrics of The Little Drummer Boy, it still is my favorite. :)

A birth mother's decision

When we started the adoption process, we were so consumed in ourselves. The home study and paperwork required us to look deeply into who we are as individuals and as husband and wife. We faced facts about ourselves that we would have never otherwise thought about. We took a hard look at our marriage. I was worried going in and facing all these deep issues, but was pleased to see how incredibly strong our marriage is. Davin and I balance each other very well, and we love and respect each other more than ever.

Anyway, a home study evaluates your life, but once it's over it is time to wait for a birth mother to choose you to raise her baby. It wasn't until Stephanie and Casey changed their minds about the adoption that we could see just how difficult it is for a birth mother to give her baby away. We were told from the start, and we thought we understood that it is very hard for a woman to place her baby for adoption, but I think we had under-estimated the extent of a birth mother's burden. Even when a woman knows she is not ready to be a mother or cannot provide for her child, she still loves him or her all the same. For those of you who are mother's, you can't imagine carrying your child for nine months, giving birth, and then handing this little life to someone else, trusting they will provide a better life that you could. It doesn't matter that a birth mother may not have wanted to get pregnant in the first place. It does not matter if she is 16 years old and trying to get through high school, or 30 and trying to get her life in order. Every woman who carries another life inside her loves that baby. No matter what. And it is that love that makes adoption so difficult, but also what makes it possible. A woman can only hand her child to another person to raise when she knows she cannot, for whatever reason, raise that baby, and she loves him or her way too much to try raise them in her situation.

In Stephanie's case, she was trying to get her life in order and panicked when she found out she was pregnant. Her love for her child immediately made her start an adoption plan. As things calmed, I believe she grew stronger as a person, as did the love for the baby she was carrying. She was lucky to have a strong support system to help her, and she found she could in fact raise her baby. How could anyone blame her for changing her mind?

Not every birth mother has family and friends like Stephanie. There are girls and women who would love to raise their babies, but just cannot. One of them who loves her baby so much, will choose us to raise him or her, and we will have a family. However, the mother will grieve. A birth mother placing her baby for adoption is losing her child. It is never easy for her. When I am rocking our baby to sleep someday I will be praying for his or her birth mother- I will pray that God will give her strength to help her through her loss, and that He will continue to watch over her always.

I cannot write exactly how I feel- it comes out all rambly, but what I am saying is a birth mother's decision is not easy. It is made out of love. And I will never take that for granted.

10:26 pm

48) Every time I happen to see 10:26 pm on a digital clock a make a wish.

This started way back, I don't know, maybe when I was in high school. I noticed that I happened to look at my bedroom clock at exactly 10:26 pm many nights in a row. It was a pure coincidence. So, being the loopy-loop that I am, I started to make a wish each time I saw it. Rules developed over time- here they are, laid out for the first time ever.

1) I cannot sit and wait for 10:26. I can only make a wish if I randomly look at the clock and it is 10:26.
2) The wish has to be specific. For example, I cannot simply wish for a baby. That could mean I would get a baby 10 years from now. Nor can I wish for a baby this month. Because that could mean December of 2016.
3) The wish must be ended with a "Thank You".
4) Once I make the wish I have to shut my eyes and keep them shut until the clock turns to 10:27.

This can be tricky. When I see 10:26 I have no idea if I have 59 seconds or 4 seconds to make my wish. If the clock turns before I'm done, the wish is no good. Once I shut my eyes, I don't know how long they should be closed. If I open them and it is still 10:26 the wish won't come true. Likewise, if it is 10:28, the wish is also nixed.

10:26 pm seperates my wishes from my prayers. In my wishes I can wish for anything, no matter how bizarre. ...hm, that's probably why they never come true, hey? Even still, it's something I've been doing for years, and I'll probably be still being doing when I'm milking it in a nursing home.

Oh, and this all brings me to

49) My favorite number is 26. Because of above story, of course! :)

Some more about me- YAY!

39) I would love to know how to dance for real, but I'm deathly afraid of taking lessons because I'm scared to find out exactly how bad I really am. Yes, J, there's my confession and the reason I don't want to go this weekend... :P

40) I say that I don't care what others think of me. The truth is, I do care. A lot. It's not so much about being liked- it's more about hoping I don't annoy or offend people.

41) Along those lines, I am very self-conscience. I am always thinking people must think I am ugly or dumb. Or annoying. ...wow, that was a deep confession.

42) Although I don't have a very high self-esteem, I am confident that I will be a good mom.

43) Today I heard a verse of Brahm's Lullaby FOUR times in four hours at the hospital- they play it each time a baby is born. This is the only downside of volunteering- reminds me how badly I want to be a mommy.

44) Switching topics: I lost my diamond engagement ring over a year ago. I still feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I do have a replacement band that I love, but it's still sickening that I would lose my wedding ring...

45) I have also lost every diamond earring I have owned. 4 total (two sets). I told Davin to quit replacing them- fake one's are much safer for me.

46) Although I seem to lose diamonds a lot, I never lose my keys. Seriously, if I don't know where they are, I find them within a minute or two.

47) However, my socks do disappear in the dryer, just like everyone else's.

Missing airplane ride story...

I had posted a really, really funny story that somehow got lost. I don't know if I accidentally deleted it when I was editing it- or if someone thought it wasn't funny and hacked into my account and deleted it. Actually, someone probably thought it was so funny that they hacked into my account and deleted it so they could use it as their own original idea. ...that's probably what happened.

Anyway, here's the shortened version:

I was bored on the flight home from Vegas. I couldn't sleep and everyone around me was chatting away. So I pretended to talk in my sleep. People stopped talking. I heard someone say "should we wake her up?" and another say "no, I don't think we're supposed to." After a few mumbled phrases I stopped. And after about a minute the chatting started again.

Now, you may think that was just obnoxious- it was- but it was so much fun! And I kept a straight face! Davin thought it was weird, as did others, but hey, it kept me entertained for a few minutes! So if you're ever looking for something to do on a boring flight, take this into consideration. Just don't talk about bombs or anything. I suspect that may get you into some mighty trouble.

And there's the missing story...

My Thanksgiving ABC's

I am thankful for...

A- Adoption. A miracle for families.
B- Blogs. I find keeping one very therapeutic, and reading others very entertaining.
C- Crayons. My favorite way to go back to childhood.
D- Diet Coke. Yum. And Davin, of course. :)
E- Our Environment. We all need to do our part to preserve it for our children.
F- Friends, Family, and Faith.
G- Green grass. It is a sure sign of spring!
H- Home. I am thankful to have a warm bed to lay my head each night.
I- Imagination. I love to drift off into daydreams.
J- Juno. My favorite movie to date.
K- Koivisto’s and Kangas’s. Our two loving families.
L- Laughter. It does the body and mind good.
M- Music. Yet another therapy for myself.
N- Noodles & Co. Their mac n’ cheese is outta this world!
O- Organ donors. Are you one?
P- Personalities. What makes each of us unique.
Q- Quilts. They keep us cozy warm.
R- Rainbows. God’s beautiful promise to all of us.
S- Sunshine. Possibly my favorite thing in the world.
T- Target. Shopping therapy. Hm, I need a lot of therapy, don’t I? :)
U- Understanding. Something we can all strive to be better at.
V- Volunteering. A fulfilling way to spend my time.
W- Wishes. I make on every time I see 10:26 on a digital clock. Wanna hear that story? :)
X- X-rays. They found Davin’s blood clot.
Y- Yin and Yang. A balance of all life.
Z- Zoos. Who doesn’t love monkeys?

Wishing everyone a Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving!

WARNING: Babbling about Vegas!

Vegas is not typically the place to go to relax. Far from it, in fact. There are lights, noise, and endless action. But if you want to escape from reality and turn your brain off, so to speak, it may be the perfect destination. And, if you stay at a luxury hotel, you can even fit in some of that ultimate relaxation when you need it. My destination: The Bellagio. Aaaah. The place is unbelievable! Talk about guest luxury! Even as the lowest ranked guest (me), I still felt like I was living like a millionaire. Although, when I think about it, I am sure millionaires only stay in full suites with a bowling alley or a basketball court. Or is that just celebrities? Either way, that's over-kill. But cool. Really cool... Back to my low-level status at The Bellagio. Here are some points worth mentioning. Most I hadn't experienced or seen before, some I have, but either way, it pretty crazy:

*I was always greeted as Ms. Kangas, whether it was at the front desk, calling house keeping, or passing the elevator guard.

*Yes, there was a man at the elevator lobby to make sure only guest used the room elevators.

*There were many sets of elevators. The set for my floor included six elevators for 11 floors. Do the math- I never had to wait for more than a few seconds.

*The drapes were electronically controlled. How lazy is that? You just lay in bed and open or shut the drapes.

*A HUGE soaking tub, and a walk in shower that could fit five people. If you really wanted it to...

*The bathroom alone was as big as my bedroom at home.

*The fully stocked mini bar. Oh, funny story. I was nosing through the mini bar, picking stuff up and looking at them and putting them back. I was putting back a first aid kit (I think $12 for a couple bandaids, 1 ibuprofen, 2 aspirin, and alcohol wipes), when I felt a click. Turns out the entire mini bar is on a sensor, and any time you take something out your room is automatically charged. Oops. I called the front desk (answered, Good afternoon, Ms. Kangas. How may I help you?), and they cancelled all the charges I accidentally made. I roughly totalled it up- well over $100 it would have cost me for the few items I looked at. Again, oops.

*Nightly turn down service. Sweet. Nothing like coming back to your room to have it all cleaned (and I thought I had kept it clean!), you bed turned down, relaxing music playing, and a mint on your pillow. Now that's what I'm talking about!

I'm sure there is more I'm forgetting right now...

The botanical gardens were, as always, amazing. I have this one picture. Either you will find it cool, or, like me, you will find it disturbing. While making your decision, keep in mind that the dude's eyes moved and blinked. And his eyebrows moved up and down. Eew! Oh, and there were TWO of them.

What else is there to tell??? Other than losing money, of course. The first day I sat in the sun by the pool. LOVED that! I did a lot of shopping at Miracle Mile at Planet Hollywood. And by shopping I mean looking at stuff and wishing I hadn't wasted my money in the casino. :P Oh, the second day I sat in with a focus group. We watched a potentially new (never gonna make it!) television show. About a deep sea fishing competition. SO much fun! :P Then the other ladies and I got to talk about how incredibly boring it was, and say that we would never watch it. Except one girl said she might because one of the guys was cute- but only if he took his shirt off. After about 90 minutes of being there I walked out with a $85 check- YAY! That was my way of redeeming my casino loss. :) By last night I was Vegas-ed out so I took a bath and watched TV and went to bed at 9:00. Nine o'clock in Vegas- just when people are getting ready to hit the town. Hey, I had to get up at 5:00 a.m. Plus, a girl can only take so much Vegas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I am sitting in Salt Lake City on a three hour layer over. I know I've been really babbly, but I haven't been on here since Saturday- that's a LONG time for me. I could have gotten on at the hotel, but they charged $13 for the Ethernet cord. Ha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, you can wake up now. I'm done. :D

My sweet sister!

Last night Davin came home from my parents with a gift in hand from my little sister, Mary (age 9). This is what the attached note says:

Dear Laura & Davin

I am very depressed that happened to you but I am glad it is over with. Here is something that will warm you up Hot Cocoa. I made it at lady-bugs. It has how to make it on the tag. You can make in the winter time if you want or right now.

Love, Mary

How sweet is she? (:

Later I talked to my mom and she said that Mary was worried about Davin coming to help my brother with is math. She said, "But how will he get in here with a wheelchair?" When my mom told her Davin was feeling good and could walk Mary said, "Oh, that's a relief." I love her! :D

Today I am thankful for...

*Davin not having to give himself injections anymore- he hates needles! He had a doctors appointment today, and although there will be a lot of monitoring for several months, he feels good, and can go back to work. (He goes stir-crazy at home) Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

*Sisters. Thank you, Leanne, for the card and cd. I think this music is going to become part of my life. For sure.

*My healing elbow. No more physical therapy appointments! I will continue doing my exercises and add weight as my arm strengthens.

And two more very important things:

*Peggy's blog, and

* the Ted Danson Hot Name Game
Between the two I have laughed more in the past day than I have in months! Although Davin doesn't check out the blogs, he is also thankful for them- he says he is happy to hear me laugh again. :)

My all-time favorite youtube video!

Charlie Bit Me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

BANNED!

My former boss chick's husband (also my former boss) just called Davin to tell not to come to his hair cut appointment this week. Davin and I are to not go to the salon anymore. Hm, wonder what lies my boss told about me for us to get banned? And, even then, what does Davin have to do with it? ????

FYI: My last post still trumps this one!

Old*er* people rock!

So I started volunteering today at the hospital. I walked for 4 hours straight. I never sat down- I loved being so busy! My assignment consists of transporting patients, bring visitors to patient rooms, and delivering flowers. All fun stuff! My shift is from noon to 4:00. Since I work during the day I am working with all retired folk. Everyone, of course, is really nice. But there is one pair of ladies I'm keeping an eye on- I can tell they will make for quality entertainment! They both work at the welcome desk. One is a volunteer and the other is a paid employee. The thing is- they have the exact same job. The volunteer clearly despises the employee, and the employee is really good at pulling her rank and acting smarter. I heard a few snide comments here and there, and a lot of eye rolling. I wanted to laugh so hard- I had to turn away once because I thought I was going to bust it! The eye-rolling was the best!

Now, I'm assuming that it was truly funny, because in the past few days I've found humor in the strangest of places. :D

That's the wonderful side of my life. On the other side, I am facing a long, ugly fight with my former employer. I've been told to walk away, but I can't. This will just happen to someone else. And I can't let that happen.

But for now I'm relaxing after a 4-hour walk (I wonder if I'll be sore tomorrow?), and gonna watch NCIS and The Mentalist with my hubby, who is home and well!

Have a good night, everyone!

P.S. I heard a rumor that Adam L. has lurked about my blog- make yourself known! Otherwise you're never gonna get a Christmas present! :P

It's the little things...

My "Service Engine Soon" light went off on my way home from the hospital tonight. YAY!

"Thank you, God. That was very kind."

...I felt this news was definitely blog-worthy. :)

A few of my favorite things

33) My favorite color is blue. Primary, Crayola blue.

34) My favorite book is "Catch Me If You Can" by Frank Abignail. Fascinating true story. The movie does not live up to the book.

35) My favorite movie, currently, is Juno. AWESOME!

36) I favorite candy is strawberry twizzlers. And chocolate!

37) My favorite season in spring.

38) My favorite sound is a baby laughing. :)

Insanity kicking in...

Funny story.

Davin's in the hospital. That's not the funny part. He has pneuomonia and a blood clot in his lung. He actually feels quite fine. We came into the ER last night because he had a sharp pain in his back and had trouble breathing. He thought it was a muscle spasm and would be sent home with a relaxant. Nope. They found pneumonia. And a blood clot. So they admitted him and put on antibiotics and blood thinners. I started driving home a little after one o'clock a.m. Davin was feeling good when I left. I was thinking about how it had been a stressful day, but Davin was fine and everything would be okay. Just as I was thinking that, *DING* the "Service engine soon" light came on in my car. I started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. I pictured God saying "So, Laura, how you handling life now?" I laughed the rest of the drive home. The car ran fine and no gauges went nuts.

"Just fine, God. I'm doing just fine. Thank you."

By the way, there is no ding when a light comes on in the car, but I am certain I heard it anyway.

:)

#32

32) I LOVE the sunshine!

It's sunny today...

Thank you God!

How could I not blog about this day!

I really had planned on taking a long break. Then today happened. And there is just no way I can't NOT blog about it- it's just waaaay to good. And by good, I mean really crappy, but outrageous enough to talk about. I'm gonna tell about my day going backwards- that way I can promise it will end on a really GOOD note!

I got fired from my job. Wait, that's not the good part- the good part is how it happened. I went into the salon to buy some product and as I was paying for it my boss says- loudly, across the salon- that I no longer get my discount. She was cutting a client's hair at the time. It went something like this:

Boss: Oh, Laura doesn't get a discount anymore.
Me: Really? I thought you had said it was okay.

Oh, I should explain. I have been out of work for about two months due to an elbow injury. A WORK injury. I initially filed workers comp a over a year ago when it happened, but quit after the first couple appointments because it was a pain and we have good insurance. So when I had to have surgery I had a talk with my boss to see that I could still work when it healed. She said it wouldn't be a problem. After I had surgery I told her that I didn't know how long the recovery would be, but I didn't foresee being able to massage this year. Again, no problem.

Back to convo (across the salon in front of a client):


Boss: Well, I'm not going have you come back.
Me: Really? I thought you had agreed to let me come back after physical therapy.
Boss: Well, you never told me how long you will be out, so I'm going to find another part time therapist.
Me: I told you it wouldn't be this year- they can't give me an exact date.
Boss: Well, I looked in the employee handbook and it says that after two months I can let an employee go.
Me: Yes, of course you can let me go. I'm just surprised- I thought we had this worked out.
Boss: I've been thinking about it for about the past month, and I'm not going to have you come back.
Me: Wow. That's a wonderful way to find out.

End of convo. She goes back to her client.

What the...?!?! She picked the wrong girl to mess with! Especially after my last few days! So, I left, then called and left a message for her to call me. I called back 30 minutes later and she was gone. I asked what time she was coming in tomorrow, but she's gone for the weekend. Her and her stupid quilting. So I ask for her phone number. The receptionist said "You cannot tell her I gave it to you. She doesn't want to talk to you". What the...?!?! Nothing like talking about it to other employees, not to mention being a big coward. So I called and left a message- something like this:

"Hey, it's Laura. I left you a message, and I know you got it. We need to talk about what happened today. I think it was complete bullsh**, and we need to sort it out. If you don't want to call me, please have Jeremy. I will expect to hear from one of you on Monday."

My tone was very professional (other than the one swear word)- not angry.

I said I would end with a good note. Earlier in the day I spent a few hours at the hospital training to be a volunteer. I am scheduled to do it one shift a week. However, with my surgery, getting fired, and not having a baby, I can pick up shifts every day! For real, I think it is something I will really enjoy doing.

Another good note: I will not take being fired (I saved them workers comp, and I have extremely loyal clients). So the incident lit a fire in me. I haven't felt this energized in weeks!

Hope you're all having a wonderful day!

Taking a break

For some reason I constantly find myself looking for things to blog about. I always want to keep things updated. However, trying to find ideas is too much right now. I'm taking a break from my blog until I can sort things out.

Peace out.

I love my husband!

Obviously. But this is what he did for me today: Right when he came home from work he fished down Mr. Smily Stupid Balloon from the ceiling, and tied him, SECURELY, to a chair. He always knows just what I need. Thanks for the punching balloon- I love you, Davin. :)

Trump this...

I just wrote a big long thing but decided it can be summed up to this:

I got dumped today by my shrink.

Yup.
Seriously.
No shit.

I know some of my posts lately have been less than cheery, and, trust me, I aim to be a happy person, but this was the cherry on top of my shitastic day. (Thanks, J, for the term shitastic)

It's snowing in my yard!

I'm giving it until noon to melt. If it's still on our property, I'm heading out with my hair dryer and taking care of it myself!

Poor Mr. Happy

This is what happened after Davin took a couple swings at the balloon. :D

What would you do?

So, if your husband walked in with this at the end of what was a crappy day what would you do?

A) Jump up and give him a hug

B) Start crying- the gesture was incredibly sweet

C) Say "Can I punch it?"

I realize A or B would be ideal responses, but of course, I went with C. If you know anything about me by now, it is that I say what I am thinking. And, dang, that giant grinning balloon was just asking for a fist in its face. Later, when Davin went to hockey, that is exactly what it got. Over and over and over. Let me tell you, it felt GREAT. Seriously, if you have some built up emotions, punching a helium balloon will make your day. It's loud, and it just feels GOOD. You may say I'm still feeling cynical. But, hey, it's how I deal. I felt much better after.

Oh, and what an awesome husband I have. When I asked if I could punch it, he wasn't hurt- he thought it was a good idea!

I wonder...

Do you ever think that God plays your life a certain way for the sole purpose of entertaining the angels in heaven? Follow me...I can't quite figure out why our adoption journey has been so bumpy. Today I was thinking about it and I thought maybe, just maybe, God is using us to entertain the angels. It's like one day He thought "Hey, everyone! Come gather on this cloud over Isabella Avenue. We're gonna have some fun!" Then he dangles a potentional adoption situation in front of us, and all the angels are on the edge of the cloud, waiting to see our reaction. We get all excited and the angels cheer. Then God says, "Now watch.", and he yanks the situation away. The angels gasp! They hold their breathe waiting for our reaction. ...this next part was my mom's input... All the angels pull out signs with our names on it and chant for us "Come on, Laura, you can do it!" We cry. The angels cheer to encourage us. We cry some more, but pick ourselves up and move ahead, our heads held high. The angels roar with excitement! ....back to my input... God then leads the angels to another cloud to play with another family. But just when we're getting back into a normal routine, He gathers the angels back above us and dangles another situation...it goes on...and on...

So, what does this story tell you? A) I'm feeling a bit cynical, but B) Angels are cheering us on! Thanks, Mom, for putting the angels on our side! In my version, they were just laughing. But I'm sure when God brings us our baby for real, the angels will throw a big party!

I should add: I truly do think things are meant to happen. If the reason we were brought into Oliver's life was to help his mother realize just how much she loves and needs her son, and nothing else, than I can live with that. She is an amazing person, and I know our Nik is going to have a wonderful life.

Oliver, our Nik

He was born on October 31st. He weighed 6 lbs 6 ozs and was 20 inches long. His mother said he is doing very well, and she can't imagine how she would have given him up for adoption. I don't blame her. He's absolutely perfect, isn't he? We are thankful she made this decision before we met this little guy. Davin and I are crying tonight. We just want to hold him. But everything happens for a reason, right? Forget politics, this is what life is all about- little miracles like this baby.

Moving on!

23) If I could afford it, I would go to college for the rest of my life- I love to learn!

24) I LOVE music- almost anything but heavy metal. I'm usually listening to indie rock. Reggae is super fun- reminds me of Jaimaca! Rap is awesome for working out!

25) I do NOT like Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

26) I have a big mouth- figuratively. Sometimes I say things before thinking. Gets me in trouble sometimes. Yikes.

27) I love hockey. I grew up in a hockey family. I wish I could afford season tickets for the Wild- oh, that would be SO cool!

28) I wish I loved dogs 'cause they are so dang cute! But I don't. (Sorry Elizabeth) Because....

29) I'm a clean freak. Not to be confused with a neat freak- my house is usually messy. I just don't like to be dirty. I know all dogs aren't dirty, trust me, but it's just a weird thing about me...

30) I wish I could snap my fingers and I wouldn't have to pee anymore. My bladder is the size of a pea and going to the bathroom is just a pain in the a** sometimes!

31) I wish I could snap my fingers.

My faith, in the open

I have an enormous faith in God. It is He who carried Davin and through many dark days. I pray to Him every night, and thank him for all he has given us.

I think people confuse this with "church". Currently, I do not have a church that I attend. Davin and I have always been pretty private when it comes to religion. However, since we are hoping to have children soon, I am looking for a church to join, as we want our children to grow up in faith, just as we did. It's hard. There is a church on every corner. How do we know where we will be comfortable? I pray to find that place.

That's all.

Can we unite?

Confession: I voted for John McCain. However, I never had a doubt in my mind that Obama was going to win. I know many republicans are disappointed right now, but it's time to move forward. Although we can celebrate A LOT of freedoms as American's, this country has a lot of issues to conquer right now. The only way we can "fix" our "problems" is if president-elect Obama follows through on his word to work with both parties. I am hopeful that he will. Our part is to get over our differences and the bitterness the campaigning brought up, and unite as a nation. Can we do that? Pretty please?

How's this for an undecided voter?

I walk into the city hall to vote today. I still wasn't sure who I wanted to vote for, but I was sure that once I was in the booth I would know. So I walk, ballet in hand, up to the booth and look at the choices I have. This is when I expected my "gut" to kick in and tell me who to vote for. ...Nothing. Dumb gut- couldn't even count on it! So I proceed to fill out my votes on the rest of the ballet and the came back to the presidential candidates. I closed my eyes and put my finger on the paper. I opened my eyes and placed my vote where my finger landed. ...that would have been funny, hey? :D Actually, my gut gave me a little hint and I was able to finish the ballet.

Really, how does one go to vote and have no idea who to vote for??? I had educated myself, weighed the pros and cons of each candidate, and I still didn't know. I am okay with my vote, because I am okay with either candidate being president. I think both can offer some really good things for our country. I also worry about some things with each candidate, but in the end I think our country will be refreshed with a new president.

Right now I maintain that our country is great. However, if Mickey Mouse wins this election I am moving to Canada.

A new day

Okay, so I've put off posting for a couple days because I had nothing good to say. You know the saying "if you have nothing good to say, then say nothing at all...". Well, that's how the last few days have been. But today starts new...

First: Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry I don't know all of you- even some that I know I should know...your comments are very kind- thank you! P.S. I made my email accessible through my blog.

Second: It's election day!!! This means no more icky ads! And, more importantly, our country can move in a new and refreshing direction. I look forward to the changes our new president will bring to our great nation!

Last, but not least: It is sunny outside, and I get to spend time with my nieces!

I know this month is going to be rough at times- I will always be wondering if Oliver is born and healthy. I will have my days of feeling sad. But today I am going to push those tears back, and be happy to be with nieces- they always put a smile on my face!

Peace out.

A sad day

I am going to try my best to keep this blog cheery and upbeat. However, I also said I am going to be myself, and let's not kid ourselves, nobody is cheery every day. So why is today tough? Well, it's November. The baby boy we thought was going to be our son is due to be born on November 21st. We grieved the loss when the birth parents first changed our mind, but I'm realizing the loss is going to felt all over again when he is born.

We were going to name him Nik. We had his room all ready for him. All his clothes were washed. His ultrasound picture was in a frame on his dresser- I kissed him good night every night. One day I a went to pick up a bundle me that I bought on craigslist. I came home and put a load a load of Nik's clothes in the wash. I left for Target to buy bottles. On the way I called my sister Leanne and we were talking about how everything was going so well. I had just gotten an email from the birth mother two days before. She had met with her lawyer and she expressed how happy she was to have found Davin and I to raise her baby. While I was talking to Leanne our adoption counselor called. I said I would call her when I stopped. A few minutes later Davin called me. The agency had gotten an email from the birth parents and they had changed their minds.

Just like that it was over.

After the anger passed (it lasted a few days), I talked to Stephanie (the birth mother), and I felt somewhat better. She felt sincerely sorry. I won't go into why things changed so suddenly, but it was something we could understand. They wanted the ultrasound pictures back. Originally, I was so angry and I thought there was no way I was going to part with them. But time passed and I packed them up along with a gift we had gotten for Nik, and sent them back. Stephanie said she would let us know when Oliver (their name) is born. They will send us a picture.

Back to today...I have been feeling sad. I've cried- a lot. I have a feeling this is going to be a tough month.

Thanks for letting me vent. It helps.

6 more things

17) I am a massage therapist. Kind of. I'm out of commission due to elbow surgery about six weeks ago. Practicing massage therapy keeps me grounded. I can be completely stressed out, and the moment I walk into a massage, I feel calm. It is the one and only thing that makes me feel 100% calm. That and vicodin...aw, I could use a vicodin right now...kidding. Kind of. :)

18) I cannot make a decision to save my life. I went to buy a purse yesterday and once I narrowed it down it took me 45 minutes to decide between black and brown. But the red one was kind of fun...I went with black, but I still might change my mind and exchange it.

19) My motto in life is Live, Laugh, Love

20) I am not a morning person. At all. I need a good hour to myself with my diet coke and the computer or tv to wake up. Don't talk to me or open any blinds until that 60 minutes passes. Davin is sometimes too cheerful in the morning, so I snarl at him, and he usually backs down.

21) M&M's, fresh strawberry twizzlers, and diet coke can turn a bad day good.

22) I love the show "The Office". So much so that it should have been #1 on my list. Even if someone normally does not watch television, they should make the time to watch this show. It's less than 25 minutes of your day if you watch it online.

Jack-Jack Pozack

He's my sister Leanne's babe. You can't be around him and not smile. This shot was taken last Christmas. Cory (Leanne's hubby) got a pipe from Davin- Jack thought it made a good toy. :)

Escape from reality

Recently, Davin and I suffered a rough set-back in the adoption process- long story short, we were going to have a baby boy 3 weeks from now, and after 7 weeks of working with the birth mother and father, they decided they wanted to raise the baby. I won't go into that here, but after about a week, we needed an escape from reality, so we headed to our own heaven on earth, the north shore. We have always stayed in Two Harbors, but this time we stayed on the canal. We walked around the canal, did some shopping (even got a Christmas gift for Davin's parents!), and watched ships come and go. I haven't done that since our parents brought us as kids! It was an amazing get-away!

We wanted to watch a ship come through at night, so we parked ourselves out on the pier fifteen minutes before it was due to leave. We didn't factor in that after pushing off, the ship still had to maneuver its gigantic a** through the port in order to get out onto Lake Superior. So we waited two hours. And it was COLD. The freezing wind affected our brains a tad, and we started getting loopy. First, I looked at the lighthouse and said "Hey, I didn't know lighthouses had addresses!"

Then we read this sign that said those who vandalized the lighthouse would be fined $2500. Half of the money would be given as a reward to the person who had information on who dunnit. So...we thought, "Hey, one of us should vandalize the lighthouse and then we can collect the reward money." Never mind the fact we would be fined double what we would receive. Or that we would NEVER vandalize. ...hey, this was funny at the time.

In the end, we were able to put aside the grief we had been feeling, and just act stupid, and think we were SO funny. Plus, waiting for that ship was worth the wait!!!

The next day we took a drive. It was a bit past peak season, but beautiful none-the-less. I couldn't believe I had never been to Enger Tower or 7 Bridges Road! We will definitely make it a tradition to hit them up every time we head north.

Adoption Minnesota

www.adoption-minnesota.com

This is an awesome agency. Everyone who works here have been so nice to us. On average, this agency has about 50 placements a year- although, they hit 50 in September this year. Right now there are 48 families in "The Book". Two weeks ago, when we went back in the book, they were working with 8 birth mothers who had not yet chosen a family.

You can see our online profile under "Choose a Family" on the website. The hard copy they have at the agency has many more pictures and is more colorful- you don't have those options online.

The list goes on...

8) I have too much time on my hands to blog- have fun keeping up! Hee hee.

9) Sometimes I try to be healthy, but one thing I will never give up is Diet Coke. It is the first thing I need in the morning. Yum- Diet Coke in the morning is GOOD. I should try it in cereal...

10) I play relaxation music to help me fall asleep.

11) I wake up a million times a night- thanks for that gene, Dad. :P

12) I cannot carry a tune, but I really wish I could! I would love to take voice lessons, but I'm not convinced it would make a difference.

13) I CANNOT finish telling a joke. I just start laughing and can't talk. Just ask anyone in my family.

14) I LOVE my brothers and sisters! I love that we've all become so close as adults- I love the memories I have from childhood, and I look forward to many more memories with them!

15) Of course I love my mom and dad also!!!! Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, my mom and I have become friends. I love that.

16) I do NOT, however, love pickles.

My enemy

7) The stairs. I fall down the stairs- a lot. I would like to say it's the stairs fault, but Davin doesn't have the same problem. ...No, it is the stairs. They have it out for me. I think when I'm sleepy, they like to pull the carpet from under my feet. Yes, it's the stairs. I am not clumsy- my stairs are just evil. I'm sticking with that.

An old email

Point 1:

Friends rock. Best friends rock more. I am lucky to have best friends. I have two friends who have been there for me through thick and thin. We've all been through stuff, and we've all been there for eachother. We'll be best friends at age 100.

Point 2:

I love stars. I always said if I were to ever get a tattoo it would have to be a shooting star. To me a star is a wish, a dream, a hope. A star can make anything possible.

To the main point:

Last night I was looking for my immunization records- I need them for a health screening in order to volunteer at the hospital. I did not find them (crap), but what I did find was something wonderful. I came across a pile of emails I had printed when I was in high school. Most of them were from Davin (they brought back fond memories that made me cry), but the first email, on top of the pile, was from one of my best of best friends. We've been friends forever, and she is a total sweetheart. You know who you are, Hon. I omitted some of the message. Thanks for this email...

Subject: LONG Mail

Message: Laura-

...

Once I did one of those lame email quizzzes, and for one of the answers, you were my shining star. How cute, hey? I just remembered that because sometimes when I'm on a walk at night...I'll be bored and start thinking about things. ...Then I'll see a shooting star go right over your house. It actually happened three times, and each time I get to thinking about what an awesome person you are- how you've made me feel good about so much, how you've given Davin all you have to offer, and I realize what a truly shining star you are. Really, it probably sounds lame coming from me- I'm not good with words- but never forget how beautiful you are. I see it, and so many others do also, and I hope that someday you do to. Because it's the truth! And I'm not a frickin' liar! So keep smiling your gorgeous smile, and have a wonderful day!

Love you

I love you too, Hon!

Adoption- the Why

I have to break down all my adoption blogging- there's a lot to say. I'll start with the Why:

Davin and I are trying to start a family through the adoption process. It's been a heck (hey, I didn't swear) of a roller-coaster. I'll try start at the beginning:

Why are we adopting? It amazes me how many people ask why. They ask if we are unable to get pregnant- really, is that anyone's business??? Seriously, people have no tact. But since I'm blogging and sharing everything, I'll give you the honest and (kind of) long answer:

Davin and I have been married for over 8 years. Those of you close to us know the first few years were hell, as I dealt with severe mental problems (Maybe I'll cover that in another post). With Davin by my side, and God looking over us, we got through it. For our fifth wedding anniversary we went to Jamaica. I see that anniversary as a new beginning to our marriage. It was the first time I felt "normal". I felt healthy. Not only that, Davin and I came out with a stronger and happier relationship than anyone could ever ask for.

We always knew we wanted children- we even tried right when we got married- we now know it is blessing that we didn't have children through the rough years. We don't know that I cannot get pregnant. We don't know that I can. Doesn't matter. I am on medications that, if I were to get pregnant, I would have to go off of. We spent years stabalizing my health, and we are not willing to compromise how far I've come. Five years ago, I would have made a terrible mom. Today, I can be a good mom. I am healthy and happy, and we plan on keeping it that way. Therefore, adoption became a natural decision. It was easy. It feels right for us. I know some people see our decision of me staying on medication as selfish. There are babies born every day who need a mom and dad to love them. We will be lucky to raise one of those babies as our own.

That's the Why.

Vote November 4th!

....I've been sitting here wondering what I could write about the election, and I came to the conclusion that, like everyone else, I am sick of politics. So all I'll say is:

GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

FYI: I am one of the ka-zillion people who is still an undecided voter- it's a tough one!

Hey, that's a start!

-sigh- I have a feeling it's gonna take me a while to get this blog going.

I'm taking an idea from Mindi (hope you don't mind!). I am going to tell you 100 things about me. However, it won't be all at one time. It will take me some time. You can call it lazy, but I'd rather you look at it as an on-going story of my life. How about that?

1) My name is Laura Jean. I do not believe I was named after anyone, but what a great name! Rolls off the tongue, unlike...

2) Davin Eli. Still a great name though. :) He's my husband- been married 8 1/2 years. Love him more than anything in this world. He is my rock.

3) I turned 26 in July. On my birthday people asked me the great question- "So, do you feel older now?" No, I didn't. However, a week or so later it hit me. 26 seems A LOT older than 25. Why is that? Not that I mind being 26. It means I'm more mature, that's for sure.

4) I'm sarcastic- OFTEN. This is big one. It is easy to get myself in trouble online. You can't see my sarcasm in print. Here's a good rule of thumb: if you read something I wrote that sounds odd, corny, or even offensive, chances are I'm kidding. Especially if it sounds means- I'm a nice person...

5) Make that number 5- I'm a nice person. I do my absolute best not to judge people. I take you for who you are. I generally like everyone- there is too much crap in this world for us not to like one another...which brings me to....

6) I have a bad habit of swearing. Yes, to most people, 'crap' isn't a swear word, but it is to my mom, and that stands for something! It's easy to edit myself on computer, but if I can't find a good enough substitute, you might see a** or sh**. I apologize in advance.

...hey, that's a start!

Newbie

Give me time- it's gonna take time to figure out this blogging thing!